Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Overcoming Obstacles ~ Getting Back On Track
My biggest obstacles are chronic pain and depression. It's very difficult to diet with chronic pain OR depression because both of these conditions present with a decreased level of serotonin in the brain and of course the best source of serotonin (or I should say more readily available source for the body to use) is in simple carbohydrates. Since I'm insulin resistant and hyperinsulinic this is a tripple whammy. I crave the carbs because of the serotonin, my body wants them because of the glucose and my metabolic functions want them because the insulin removes other sources of energy from the blood steam and my cells are starving. I also have hormonal problems which go along with this that makes me crave carbs as well.
The ONLY way I can break this cycle is by sheer will-power. Which is bunk because what is will-power?? It's a nebulous non-existant creature that if you succeed you are said to have lots of and if you don't you are called weak and a failure. However, I know if I can hang on long enough, and not give in to the depression, the chronic pain (self medicating with food) and the PMS the cravings will deminish. This is difficult, however, because every bit of my body is telling me to ignore my desire to be healthy and pay attention to their IMMEDIATE desire for carbs.
So, what do I do? I pick myself up, dust myself off and start over. And over and over and over and over. Am I succeeding? No. But I'm not failing either. I use to weigh 315lbs. I don't anymore and never will. I just keep doing what I can when I can and starting over every time I have to because I don't have any other option but to give up, and if I do that then I will be a failure. And I refuse to be a failure.