Monday, February 27, 2012
Oh, where to start! Its been so long! A lot of things have happened in my life within the past few months that have set back my goals. The irony is that I actually met one of them without even trying.
With working retail, the holiday season is just pure hell! So each year I know that I will take off those two weeks prior to and after Christmas. What I didn't plan was two MONTHS off! The last thing I want to do is make all these excuses for myself. All I want is to collect my thoughts and get these issues articulated so I can move past it all. So that is what I shall do.
The holidays were really hard on my family because we were flat broke. I literally had about 100 bucks a week to feed us. We scrimped by and I sacrificed but we managed to get a few things for each other, knowing that when the windfall of holiday pay came in we would treat each other to something more special. Now, I'm not saying this to sound material. I have been raised that family is more important than gifts. My greatest gift this past year was having a safe place to live and being healthy enough to spend time with my loved ones.
However, not a week into the year, my husband was let go from his job. I really didn't have much to say because I was in such shock. We have been surviving off of mostly his pension and 401K money. Also, my pay has been a little more because I have been able to work more hours on account of my husband being home to take care of our son. No more opposite shifts with me rushing home at 80 MPH on the highway so he can leave for work has been great. And while I was able to get a nice tax refund this past month, most of it will go to bills and be saved for a new car that we badly need as well as a buffer until he can secure a new job. I am hopeful as he has been on several interviews week after week.
As if that wasn't enough to deal with, our son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder/Asperger's Syndrome. He now goes to classes 5 days a week and gets on a bus. I am truly glad that we are able to get him this help and I see improvement in him each day. It has been very hard on me to deal with however. I have been very stressed out with trying to deal with his behavior. I used to be proud that I had all these tools and routines in how to raise a child, but now its like someone threw my toolbox out the window and now I have been grasping at straws and fumbling at how to raise him now. He's getting the support he needs, but now I have to find support for myself. I am always stressed and crabby and angry. I go to work and can actually get some quiet. Its sad when I have to go to another asylum to escape the one at home, is it not?! Even now this morning, my husband took our son to school so that I could have the morning to myself to relax and collect my thoughts. So my skinny jeans I wanted to fit into? Yep, they fit...they are a tad tight yet. But I don't see it as a success because the only reason I could fit into them is because I was too poor for adequate nutrition and too tired to work out.
Which brings me back to Spark! I ran today for the first time in two months plus I started this new Barre workout that I actually read about from fellow Sparkers. I like it! I think it will be a great supplement to running.
This morning is just what I needed and I will have to thank my hubby for it. I can't promise I'll be full force yet, but I hope this is a new beginning.