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I should be so happy right now, but...


Sunday, February 26, 2012

...I'm not! emoticon I'm leaving for Hawaii on Wed with my biological sister Amanda and my 4 honorary sisters. I should be ecstatic, so what's wrong?

My house is such a mess that I can't find things. I have a huge pile of paid bills next to the computer (where I do my internet banking) emoticon, my desk is buried in paper, I have stacks of paper EVERYwhere, and I can't find what I need.

In 2011, I participated in a flexible savings acct at work - had the max deducted from each paycheck for medical expenses. Well, it's now time to submit paperwork to get my money back, and guess what.....I can't find what I need!!!!

This afternoon, I was stomping around trying to find a couple dental bills that I *know* I had with me a couple weeks ago. But can I find them now - nooooooo!! I'm going on vacation for a week - which I truly love to be doing - but will have to find and submit all my stuff before within about 3 weeks after I get back.

My biggest fear.....that I won't find enough receipts to get reimbursed the money I have remaining (over $2000)...and if I do that, it's just GONE. GONE, as in I can't ever get it back, as in "what are you doing throwing money down the drain, mary?!?!?"

So this is me this afternoon - emoticon emoticon - beating up on myself with a big club....Why do I live this way? Why do I let it get so bad? What's WRONG with me that I live in such a pigsty??? emoticon emoticon

I start snapping at DH, which I apologize for really quickly - at least I recognized it's not really HIM I'm mad at. I feel like such a failure.

But I finally calm down some - run an errand to the grocery store for a break (and shopping is NOT usually a break for me) - and come up with a couple things to help. I'll call the dentist office tomorrow and ask the desk lady to please make me a THIRD copy and send it - it will get here before I get back. At this point, embarrassment is the least of my worries.... emoticon

And I have 4 days when I get back before I have to return to work. I'll just do the best I can, and if I/we lose some of it, we lose some of it.

So I'm calmer now, fortunately, emoticon. And starting to look forward once again to my upcoming Hawaii vacation... emoticon. AND I can make changes in my life - if I want to badly enough.

Thanks for listening.....

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
QUIETUDEAGAIN1 3/24/2013 12:15PM

  Should is a word that you are not allowed to use, it will only make you feel wrong and guilty. Either you do or don't do and that is all there is to it. You are doing the best you can at this particular moment in time. Hope you had a great trip. emoticon

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GUNNSGIRL91303 5/5/2012 9:18PM

    Oh my gosh, I could have written part of this blog myself! I am so overwhelmed with housework that I just don't do it! Now I find myself living in a mess and hating it. I'm so glad I found the babystep brigade team. Even if it takes me a year to get my household in order, which it likely will, I'm going to DO IT!
I hope you had fun in Hawaii. Hubby and I went in 2011 and I never wanted to leave. I hope and pray we can return one day.
I know I'm reading this late so I hope you are feeling better than when you wrote this blog!
We can do this!

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MARIE-STRONG 3/11/2012 5:07AM

    Hello Soul Sister - You remind me of something. Paperwork! We can do it! emoticon

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JUSTAGIRL45 2/27/2012 9:18PM

    Getting ready for vacation can be stressful. Take a breath. Work your way through it. It will all be fine! Take a babystep to organizing your stuff and realize that you still have some time. Vacation made a WORLD of difference on my stress level. Yours will too! Don't forget to treasure that special time in Hawaii with your sisters. You deserve it!!!

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HOPEFULSNAIL204 2/27/2012 8:40PM

  Now you're talking my language. I am so bad at paperwork and wasting money. It bothered me for a long time. I mean deep guilt. I finally had to only concentrate on what I can do now and not be mad at myself. If I lose anything (except weight) it usually ends up to be in my house in all the disorganization. Three weeks is a good amount of time to work on it especially with Amanda and the rest of your "sisters" to help you with ideas for baby steppin'. Please resolve to have a SUPERIOR time while on vacation and every day to follow. You, my friend, TRULY deserve it! Blessings emoticon

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon See all the things that are coming your way. Don't miss the rainbows there, they are SPECTACULAR! In fact, don't miss ANY of the blessings awaiting you. I love you and I want you to have the BEST time and enjoy your family! Blessings emoticon

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STARSAPPHIRE57 2/27/2012 8:14AM

    Mary, I can so understand your stress! Listen to Amanda, do not beat yourself up. Things may go easier this morning...take some time to meditate or at least just take some deep breaths and release some of the tension. Positive affirmations...

Get fired up for that vacation! WooHoo, what a treat! You deserve to have a wonderful time and leave the stress behind. You will return home refreshed and ready to tackle anything! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Love and Bright Blessings, Pam emoticon

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I_AM_WORTHY2010 2/27/2012 7:29AM

    Yes...one of those accordion folders...every time you get a bill or anything pertaining to getting your refund....throw it in that folder. I too struggle with paperwork and best advice i read was if you handle a.piece of mail more than once...you are wasting precious time. I think of that every time i pick up mail now.... i created a shred box and dump stuff there that needs to be shredded. A little planning can go a long way. Keep your chin up...its a battle many war against. You are not alone and you can do this. Hope you have fun in HI with your family!!!


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JENJEN1004 2/27/2012 4:58AM

    It might be alittle embarrassing to ask for another copy but sometimes we need to ask for alittle more help than at other times. You will get through this. One way or another, it will all be done and over with and you can focus focus focus on getting more organized. Please enjoy your vacation and don't let it go to waste on worry. On a scale of 1 to 10 of life's tragedies, where does this fall? Be good to yourself.
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BLESSEDBEING 2/27/2012 1:52AM

    I'm so sorry you've been stressing! We can definitely brainstorm ideas when we get together. I would definitely recommend easy at this point, as in getting another copy--and no need to cop to this being an extra request! I also recommend deleting any comments which are less than helpful. It's time to ease up on criticism from yourself or others.

It may help to reflect on the why question. emoticon You'll have plenty of time to do some journaling away from the stress of the mess. And we can talk tactics and strategize steps for you to deal when you get back.

Be gentle with yourself, dearie. You are stronger than you know. emoticon And now it's time to focus on fun! emoticon

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ANGELWENDYMAMA 2/26/2012 11:38PM

    OMG you're going to Hawaii and you're down in the dumps?? There is something wrong with that picture! And you said that the pile of bills beside your computer are PAID bills! And you're upset about that?!

I'm going back to read it again to try to understand this, because seriously.. I would NOT be upset if I was going to Hawaii and my bill stack was all paid bills. ;)

Ok, so you are missing a dental bill - which would be covered by the FSA? So you can call and ask for another (yes, another.. worse case is possible rudeness by the secretary.. I don't think they can refuse to give you another copy.) I think actually the worst case is you beating yourself up about this so much that you don't have a good time or don't plan what to bring well enough to be prepared for your trip. Don't forget your bathing suit!!

Where are you going in Hawaii? I LOVE LOVE LOVE Hawaii! I've been 21 times, but the most recent was in 1996. I miss it!! Have you been before? Am sooo envious! Can I get a postcard? Seriously?

Comment edited on: 2/26/2012 11:40:01 PM

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ANNIEBOLEEN 2/26/2012 10:02PM

    Have a wonderful vacation! Maybe the answer to where the paperwork is hiding will come to you after you sleep on it. Let go of perfection and think progress!

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