I'm leaving for Hawaii on Wed with my biological sister Amanda and my 4 honorary sisters. I should be ecstatic, so what's wrong?
My house is such a mess that I can't find things. I have a huge pile of paid bills next to the computer (where I do my internet banking)
, my desk is buried in paper, I have stacks of paper EVERYwhere, and I can't find what I need.
In 2011, I participated in a flexible savings acct at work - had the max deducted from each paycheck for medical expenses. Well, it's now time to submit paperwork to get my money back, and guess what.....I can't find what I need!!!!
This afternoon, I was stomping around trying to find a couple dental bills that I *know* I had with me a couple weeks ago. But can I find them now - nooooooo!! I'm going on vacation for a week - which I truly love to be doing - but will have to find and submit all my stuff before within about 3 weeks after I get back.
My biggest fear.....that I won't find enough receipts to get reimbursed the money I have remaining (over $2000)...and if I do that, it's just GONE. GONE, as in I can't ever get it back, as in "what are you doing throwing money down the drain, mary?!?!?"
So this is me this afternoon -
- beating up on myself with a big club....Why do I live this way? Why do I let it get so bad? What's WRONG with me that I live in such a pigsty???
I start snapping at DH, which I apologize for really quickly - at least I recognized it's not really HIM I'm mad at. I feel like such a failure.
But I finally calm down some - run an errand to the grocery store for a break (and shopping is NOT usually a break for me) - and come up with a couple things to help. I'll call the dentist office tomorrow and ask the desk lady to please make me a THIRD copy and send it - it will get here before I get back. At this point, embarrassment is the least of my worries....
And I have 4 days when I get back before I have to return to work. I'll just do the best I can, and if I/we lose some of it, we lose some of it.
So I'm calmer now, fortunately,
. And starting to look forward once again to my upcoming Hawaii vacation...
. AND I can make changes in my life - if I want to badly enough.
Thanks for listening.....