Sunday, February 26, 2012
So at work, they've just announced one of these contests where everyone wears pedometers, and there are teams competing against each other, and on each team there's a prize for the person who has the biggest increase in the number of steps.
Part of me thinks "gee, what a great way to make sure I'm getting in a little extra walking, now that my treadmill bit the dust."
Part of me wants to run away screaming.
I do not deal well with competition.
I do not like the way I feel if I'm trying to win. I don't like the feeling that if I'm trying to win, I'm trying to make someone else lose. That's not... nice.... And oh, how I do not like to lose.
When I was in junior high, I was on a chess team. There were a couple of matches where our team won because of my game. Not because I won... but because I was a master at the stalemate. It was the perfect solution, ya know? I didn't win--but I didn't lose.
But this is not actually the goal in chess....
So... I quit playing. I didn't win. I didn't lose. But I didn't DO, either.
I'm not sure what I want to do about this feeling, besides sit with the discomfort. Maybe it's time to face the feelings about competition. At the end of the day, that'll probably do me more good than the extra steps....