Saturday, February 25, 2012
My birthday was different this year. I ate one piece of cake. Yes, I said one piece. And I didn't give up for the day, and then the week because I did.
I seem to have changed. All or nothing doesn't work for me anymore. Well, it really never did. But it was how I thought. It was only with food. That thought was so irrational, my all or nothing thinking, that it could only apply to food and exercise. When I didn't quite stop at a stop sign, I still followed all the other traffic laws for the day. When I took an extra 5 minutes on my break at work, I still showed up, and followed the other rules. But with food and exercise, it was definetly all or nothing.
But a funny thing happened.....I started buying less Ben and Jerry's, and more fruit and vegetables. I wasted alot. I set small exercise goals. I did them! I realized that what i do now will impact my future years. And quality counts. If i dont get off my butt, there will be no quality. Then I quit eating to overfull. I didn't go hungry. But I learned to tolerate small periods of slight hunger. I quit overfilling myself with food. I stopped when I was no longer hungry. I wasn't trying to lose weight. I quit looking in the mirror. I told myself I didn't look too bad. I wore stretchy pants because they are more comfortable than jeans.
Somebody at work said I looked I was losing weight, that my clothes looked too big. I was sure she was wrong. But just for kicks I weighed myself. I lost weight! Really! And when I put my clothes on and really felt how they felt, and looked in the mirror, it was true! They were too big! I have gone down 2 sizes!
So this year is different. I went out to lunch 3 times for my birthday week. I ate food I liked. I didn't go hungry. I DIDN'T eat to OVERFULL. I worked out on my birthday. I did it because I knew the end result would be not feeling guilty because I didn't. I still have to push myself. But it's really true that when you give yourself 10 minutes of exercise before allowing yourself to say no, you can usually do 30-45 minutes.
So, this year I'm headed in the right direction. I was 190. I was too embarrassed to put that on my tracker. I cheated. Said I weighed 180. That seemed a better number. Now, I'm 160! Yes, 160 today! That's 3 bags of cat litter. (10 pounds apiece). That is more meaningful to me than the actual number. Those bags of cat litter were heavy for me to carry. So, when I realize that I used to carry 3 of them with me wherever I went, well, wow! I'm happy to get them off my back. So, it's a good birthday this year.