In Other Words, My Brain Needs an Intervention
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Shoutout for me: I lost 2 pounds last week! I am now a mere 2 pounds heavier than I was at the height of my past success on SparkPeople. Yay, me!
This week’s focus has been getting up and moving. Seems easy, right? Well, for those of us who sit at a desk all day, staring endlessly at two monitors and 5 excel workbooks 10 sheets deep, it’s a tricky venture! I’m trying to avoid emailing co-workers so that I have to walk up and down the office stairs at least 5 times a day. I get up to fill my water jug as soon as it’s half empty. At home I’m avoiding the couch like it’s something off of the Pee-wee’s Playhouse set! I’ve beat my elliptical into submission almost every night this week, vacuumed every second night, washed walls and baseboards...anything to keep me on my feet. During all of this I’ve taken to cranking ‘Sexy and I Know It’ and doing some serious booty shaking all over my house. Wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wiggle-wi
[Hey, you two pounds, get ready to hit the door! While you’re at it, why don’t you take at least five of your friends!]
In other news...I met a new guy this past weekend. But wait, I know you’re over there not wondering in the least what happened to the other guy that I barely mentioned in my last blog post! Well let me tell you anyway: nothing kills a mature woman’s interest like learning that a potential suitor lives at home with his Mommy at 32. And has been unemployed for 8 months without really making any effort to get a job. Yeah, ka-POW! Attraction killer on the loose! Cross your legs and hide your bank card ladies! I was up-front with him and let him down easy and we’ve agreed to remain friends...and I know that I’m possibly whistling my way right into the alligators mouth with that one. We’ll see.
But where was I...oh yeah, new guy. New guy doesn’t live with his Mother. He also has some wonderful qualities, most notably: PECS. !!! Muskel-ey arms. !!! (Say that out loud to yourself. It will make sense.) Hard abs. !!! And a VERY BIG...........................
......brain. OK so the last is probably more around average. For a brain. Intellectually we get along well and make each other laugh. He tells me that he loves my smile. I want to tell him to rip off all of his clothing and FLEX...but instead I hit him with said grin and coyly say thank you. And I’m haunted by the little voice that whispers to me from my left shoulder. ‘he’s too hot for you,’ it croons, singsong. I stomp the fiendish voice down and suck in my stomach but the dent is there, like a chink in the armor of my self-confidence. I see the hypocrisy – I’m physically attracted to this guy. Well of course I am – he’s HOT! But I’m....well, I’m not the gym-every-day-hard-body woman. I’m not the girl I was at 20 who was built like a brick shathouse and was only self-conscious of the size of her freakishly small feet. What I am is a 31-year old woman whose body has wrinkled and matured and expanded only to shrink again and expand more. I don’t have a flat stomach, the flesh between my thighs touches, my arms have wings and my breasts aren’t as perky as they used to be. But that body has been the intense desire of men who couldn’t keep their hands off of me. This body gets me out of bed in the morning and keeps pushing forward even when my willpower has waned. My body is beautiful; my brain needs a little bit of work.
Next week’s focus:
- Eat more fiber
- 30 minutes of cardio Monday, Wednesday and Friday
- Dust off the old 2 lb weights. Put them out where I can see them.
- Get my freakishly tiny hands directly on those pecs. And the arms. And maybe the...........brain. !!!!
- Stop obsessing about naked man-parts so much
- Bahaha like that’s going to happen!