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    HAWAII2011   2,384
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Rant....

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Hi....
So it's been nearly 4 months since I was last on Sparkpeople & i'm sorry i've taken such a long absence! To be honest with you I think i'd just given up hope after a very bad year. I couldn't cope after so much loss! First Sophie (Rat) passed away in July after a long & hard fight with Respritory diese. She passed away peacefully in her sleep so atleast that's one bit of peace for her instead of having to take her to the vets (which we was going to do the next day as she became even worse during the night).
Then my Mum moved to Croydon in July & didn't head my advice not to let my childhood cats out for 2 weeks after so they can get a feel for the house but no they let them out on the day they got there & Brandy went missing. They didn't tell me & I had to find out from my older sister. So I went mad when I found out as they hadn't even put posters up! I made them & then went door to door around Croydon seeing if anyone had seen her but no joy. I did that every few days as well as calling up vets & animal shelters etc but still no joy. I think that she must have been trapped in a shed or garage as she turned up two weeks later very skinny & shaken up. She started to put the weight back on & get back to her lovely self then a month later she collapsed. She had a blood clot in her back right leg. The vet put her on aspirin for two days to see if it would disperse it. She started to get better but after two days she wasn't able to move & ended up sitting in her urine & wouldn't eat & was just in a general state. So I had to take her back to the vets & she had to be sent over the rainbow bridge. & I hate the way I reacted as I just broke down & I was being selfish as she was the one who had to go through it & I probablly scared the hell out of her!
Then Esme (Rat Sophies sister) developed respritory problems & had two strokes. She was so amazing! as she went from not being able to walk after the 1st stroke all she did was lay on her side & she didn't eat or drink. I fed her water & baby food & pureed veg & friut & avacodo to get her weight up. Within a week she had trained herself to walk again! for about two months she was brilliant zooming around & eating really well but even tho she was stuffing her face she couldn't keep the weight on & ended up having another stroke & had to be sent over the rainbow bridge too :o(
Then my cat (Shadow) had 4 kittens Saffron, Raven, Midnight & Blake. We (My Fiance & I ) were midwifes to her labour & she was so brave. Saffron came out back feet first & inhaled some fluids so he had breathing troubles & had to be rushed to the vets & I had to bottle feed him but he was born with all 4 legs deformed & a few days later he developed breathing problems again & had to be rushed to the vets again a few days later & he also had to be sent over the rainbow bridge too...bless him he only lived for 3 days:o(
On the same day Steven's childhood Cat (Simba) was overcome by his battle with cancer & collapsed & passed away. But no one told us so when we went to bury Saffron they'd left Simba on a chair in the dining room & they didn't bury him for 3 days later which I couldn't have left it that long.
So it was just a load of crap last year!
The positive things were that the other 3 kittens & beautiful Mum survived & thrived! :o) We have kept Midnight & re-homed Raven (with a family friend)& Blake (with Steven's parents & sister) Raven is now called Missy & Blake is now known as Oscar. They're 12 weeks old now & are the most wonderful miracles ever!
There was a lot of stress when the kittens were announced to my family as my younger sister wanted one if it looked like our old cat Jade (Our 1st ever cat). I didn't want her to have one as 1, She shouldn't want a cat just because of it's markings & 2, I hold her responsible for the death of Brandy. They still have Furby & she doesn't get the attention that she deserves so why would I want to introduce another animal into that enviroment? espically with two dogs she has that she can't be arsed to train! They're loved but they totally out of control!
Anyway...I have decided that this year is going to be awesome!& I'm gonna make it that way! I am trying to gain experience working with animals so I can hopefully train for my dream job as a veterinary nurse. I've been asking all over the place for volunteering placements but haven't had much luck as I think everyone has the same idea & all the volunteering spots are full. I managed to get a voluntering spot at a local primary school in a nursery as a "chicken welfare officer" & I started today. It was wonderful! I had fun with the kids & met the two chickens & they have 3 Guinea pigs also. I'm trying to get some work experience with the Blue Cross but haven't heard back yet. I'd love to do that tho as i'd be working with so many different animals & changing roles everytime I went there.
The weight thing has been a complete failure tho:o( I hate myself for it as I really want to change & be healthy but it's like I can't control anything about it & I hate feeling a slave to it! All i've done for ages is binge eat til I feel uncomfortably full & the whole time I'm sitting there thinking why are you doing this? & hating myself for being a prat & whinging about it! It's like if I want to change then I have to stop all this. I've felt for a long time that my overeating shouldn't have the thrawl it has over me & have looked into it & wonder if I may have a binge eating/compulsive overeating problem so I'm going to arrange an appointment to see my GP & ask for help & ways to manage my anxiety for when I can't have the foods! It's not even just like I want sweet stuff! I'll shove anything in my face just to fill the hole that's not hunger! I feel so stupid!
It's weird actually as I discovered this great girl on youtube last night called MagicalCharlotte & she has been blogging her progress through blogs to over come anorexia & Bulemia (Sorry about the spelling!)& help others along the way. It's weird as even though she's the complete other end of the spectrum from me I could relate to her completely! She is now on the road to recovery & is inspiring tonnes of people.
Anyway sorry about the long blog just had a lot of stuff on my mind.
Thanks for listeningxx
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIYOSHI04 3/6/2012 12:11AM

    thinking of you.

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KIYOSHI04 3/6/2012 12:11AM

    thinking of you.

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DREAMNSCHEME 2/23/2012 4:57PM

    so sorry emoticon

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SHERYLDS 2/23/2012 4:35PM

    emoticon

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LYDIASPURPLE 2/23/2012 4:35PM

    I a m so sorry. It was.hard to go thru!

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