Am I a failure?

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I thought that I was exempt from the list of those women who try to lose weight for their wedding and fail. I was foolish enough to think that because I had already lost 90 lbs, that I could keep it up. I had no idea the kind of stress weddings put on a person.

It's not just the planning of a wedding that's stressful. Yes, it is stressful. What I mean is that it isn't only that. What they don't tell you is that life goes on. Work and life keep moving on while you're planning. It's the combination of so many things that make it so hard.

I've been struggling with health problems, planning a wedding from 900 miles away, work issues and I haven't been able to lose any weight and keep it off. I'm bouncing up and down between dieting super well...and going crazy with eating. I've got a horrible sugar/food addiction that has been worsened by my medications. It's awful. Willpower doesn't seem to be enough. My dream of fitting into the wedding dress I bought 9 months ago is getting further away.

I feel like such a failure. I keep coming back and pledging that i'm back for good..and then falling. I guess it's good that I haven't given up...but I'm starting to doubt myself and no trust myself. After so many times of jumping off the can you tell yourself that "this time i mean it?" And I'm the one who needs to be convinced i can do this. I feel like so much of this is in my control and so much of it isn't.

I guess I feel guilty and I wish I knew of a way to believe in myself and trust myself. I have only 1 month until my wedding dress fitting and 5 months until the wedding. Have I failed? Is it too late? Sigh* I'm so sorry...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you so much! I'm ready for this!
    2213 days ago
  • MEGS4148
    I completely understand. Wedding planning is stressful because it is on top of an already full life. I have been on and off like you, but it is always in the back of my mind that I need to stick with it. This time I'm telling people, asking for help and trying to build a support system that will keep me on track. My sister is a size 2 and I...gasp...asked her for help. It is so hard to be the "fat" sister and ask her for help, but she really cares. Want to do daily check ins? The more people I know I have to report to, the better! Besides, who wants to feel the way you do after you overeat...not me! Don't worry about the dress, you will look beautiful.
    2214 days ago
  • JOURNEY1986
    I ask myself and tell myself the same thing you do, "how is this time going to be different? Why are things different this time?"

    And you know what? They never are. I've stopped asking myself. I've stopped telling myself that it will be different, and I've stopped thinking of different reasons why this time feels different and should be different.

    Instead, I think about what weight loss activities are fun for me. What new, healthy recipe's sound delicious? Less blogging about, "this time will be different! I promise!" and more discovering new and fun things! I love spinach salads - I prefer them much more to lettuce based salads. I love vegetarian bacon.

    I don't love the "failure" feeling after reading a blog I wrote about things being different and then be falling off the bend for a bit.

    It is NEVER TOO LATE TO BE HEALTHY! Will you be at your goal weight for your wedding? I don't know. Can you still lose weight and rock your wedding dress? YES! Do you still have time to make your wedding day the special, memorable day that you want it to be? Heck yes!

    You can totally do this. Why? Not because this time it's going to be different, but because YOU WANT TO DO THIS. And - because you not only CAN DO THIS, you DESERVE IT!

    2214 days ago
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