Wednesday, February 22, 2012
C'mon you have it too. That one picture...or two...or sometimes a whole vacation's worth. The ones where you take one look and cringe. Where the original moment is pushed aside for the "God! I'm fat!" moment. What's even stranger is coming across those photos after you've begun to do something about it. I found two photos tonight. Someone I used to know well but don't anymore had taken them. It's an interesting moment. "God! I was so fat!" And I was miserable too. I'm wearing a tired cotton maternity shirt months after giving birth. It's faded and pastel and screams, "I've given up!" Thank god I didn't. I'm lighter now. 50 lbs and counting lighter. Happier too. But I still have those days...pastel, maternity shirt days where I look in the mirror and still see a fat, unhappy person. Whether she's actually looking back at me or not is irrelevant. I still carry "it" in some ways. I'm still losing "it" along with the weight. Sometimes the mental weight is the hardest of all. I'm going to keep these photos around. I'm not sure if they are positive reinforcement or negative, but I suppose it could always be worse. At least I chucked that damn pastel maternity shirt!