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    PASTORJO   23,911
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Emotional Eating

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I'm disgusted w/myself this am...nothing like waking up w/a case of self loathing.

Yesterday DH and I celebrated VD, late - he had Pres Day off. We decided on a movie and dinner, invited our DS, living at home post college, looking for work. He's had two rejections lately, one after several steps in the job process....he's bummed. SO, we invited him along. Went out to see The Artist (*****) I had a diet coke and split a small cup of pretzel bits w/my son. After, we walked a nice 10 min around, so I got a bit of exercise. Went to a Mexican restaurant. I did have 1 margarita, ordered shrimp fajitas, ate 1/2 and the salad, no tortilla shells, less than 5 chips before. Took home the left overs, inc rice and beans - untouched, son DS or DD can have for lunch. Feeling pretty darn good! A quick trip to Target, then home.

The problem was at home. Broke into a box of choc we/d bought at Target (70% off) - good VD stuff on sale. Began w/just one piece. OK. Then went for some ice cream. A bowl. Pulled out some hummus and pita chips. Ate w/out counting them out. Finished off a few M&M's. DD came home, had dinner late - she'd had classes and an evening meeting, so hadn't joined us. I told her about the choc, and she had a piece, so I had a 2nd and a 3rd. Finally quit eating and went to bed.

My self loathing is coming from doing so well up until I came home, then allowing myself non stop eating for over 1 hour. I'm trying to recall where I was emotionally that I allowed myself to eat w/out control. Not a total out and out binge...I didn't finish the ice cream container, hummus and chips or the box of chocolate myself. Yet, I was eating w/out thinking, just eating. I was 'hungry.' Not starving. Perhaps I could have finished my shrimp, peppers and onions. Perhaps I need to watch if I have an alcoholic drink - do I lose control at eating.

When we got home, all 3 of us went to different rooms....I tend to eat alone, cause I know it is out of control and my husband will comment, if not my kids.

The pluses yesterday - I made healthy choices up until 9 pm. I chose pretzel bits over movie popcorn. I walked, a minimum. I made healthy choices in the restaurant. When I 'binged' it was controlled. 1 bowl of ice cream, 1 piece of candy at a time. Enjoyed each piece and can recall what each piece was. Put away the hummus and chips.

I am trying to learn over 55+ years of emotional eating. Until I do I will remain 50+ lbs overweight. I can't re-learn in a day. Past weight losses never really dealt w/my emotional eating. I'd lose, do ok for months, even a year, then slowly the weight would come right back on. Writing this has helped. I don't feel the self-loathing, more curious about myself. A good place to be as I get off the computer and begin my day.
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PASTORJO 2/21/2012 12:48PM

    thanks for the encouragement! It's another rainy day here in Ohio, but I'm feeling in a better place. Back to tracking my food. I always keep water in a bottle w/in hand reach, but trying something else, ie working out might help.

I'm at fault for bring in the chocolates, I picked them up, put them in the cart, opened them at home...I'm giving up ice cream for Lent, don't have to but I like the discipline.

Journaling is a good idea. I have an online journal for 'binge' eating but I can't find it!

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BGUMBA 2/21/2012 8:57AM

    Okay, you had a bad day. Beating yourself up will only cause you to have more bad days, so pick yourself up, dust off the seat of your pants, and get going again! I have to do this so much that I should have callouses or blisters from all the pants dusting! emoticon

Try to keep a glass of water handy and sip on it whenever the urge to eat comes. I also try to keep carrots or celery around to munch when the urge to eat comes--they don't taste as good as the chocolate, but they are better for you and require more chewing. Wonder if that means you burn more calories eating them?????

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EMILYULM1 2/21/2012 8:16AM

    I can totally relate to you. I was thinking that if I found myself in the situation you were in yesterday, what would I do? My first thought is that I would go and journal about what I was feeling. But I know I wouldn't actually do that. It would feel like "punishment" - pulling myself away from the family to go and do "therapy" on myself. But on second thought, what is so wrong with that? I guess we all have to figure out what works best for us to get those feelings out that we don't want to face, so we eat. Maybe frustration over your son's predicament - that you can't do anything about? Maybe boredom? Who knows. Only you will be able to dig through those feelings - easier said than done. I know that. Best of luck and sending you a great big hug.

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LILRED75 2/21/2012 8:15AM

  Don't beat yourself up over the "binge." Get rid of those "goodies" and you won't be tempted. Then, instead of reaching for goodies when you're not really hungry, you'll perhaps go for a good old fashioned glass of water. Or, just go "do" something. At least you know where the problem is.

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