Still learning the same lessons
Monday, February 20, 2012
I do my best to read my scriptures every day. I find strength and inspiration there and appreciate God's word in my life. I've been reading about faith and how God's word can give me inspiration and motivation to make good choices in my life.
Today's verses talk about God's communication with man. God will give His word to everyone, even little children, through angels. What a wonderful gift! But its not enough just to hear the word of God, I have to act on it.
I know I have received God's word about eating and food (they are my biggest struggle right now). I know that sugar is the devil, that no matter how much I eat, I'll be hungry again tomorrow. I know that sweets are a short term solution that is the opposite of my long term goals. I know that I am afraid of my emotions. I know that scripture study and prayer are ways to overcome this weakness for sugar, and yet I put them aside.
As the scripture says, its not enough to hear these things, and know them inside my head. I have to take action. I have to at least "desire to believe". In my case, that means choosing Not to eat the sweets and have faith that the emotions in the background are something I can handle, WITH His help. There, my fear is uncovered: I am afraid my emotions are too strong for me to handle. Where did this fear come from? I look at it now and wonder. It seems ridiculous that I couldn't handle my emotions without food covering and softening them.
I believe it started when I was a child. I learned when I was little, that eating would make me a better person. How backwards does that sound! What I meant, when there was conflict in the family, I wanted to make things better, I didn't want to add my bad emotions to the conflict. So if I ate something, especially something sweet, I could bury my feelings and stay under the radar.
I'm not saying that these were good choices, just that I developed this coping method as a child and it worked for me for 50 years. Its been hard to give it up.
What I need to remember is that I HAVE been successful for months at a time over the last 2 years to un-learn this behavior. I have given up sweets, and dealt with my feelings. And the truth is-----I am a better person. I actually have become a better person by uncovering this self-defeating behavior and replacing it with a supportive behavior.
So I slide a little. I have to acknowledge that I am Human. I am susceptible to temptation. I am not perfect yet. So I will learn the same lesson again, make commitments to do my best one day at a time. Today I will repeat my good choices of yesterday--no sweets, deal with the emotions, pray for help, get good results. I CAN Do It!