Sunday, February 19, 2012
Ok, let me explain. Last week I had a bad week of eating and barely exercised so it would be no surprise when I got on the scale and there was a gain. But, a 4.5 lb gain!!! WTH!! I knew I gained but I think there could have been a couple of other contributing factors.
I just couldn't get my head in it. Now, of course, this was depressing me. People around me were asking me if something was wrong? Physcially I was there and going about my day to day but mentally I wasn't. I was being told that I seemed preoccupied with other things and too quiet. People were always used to me being the talker or being somewhat funny even at my heaviest that's who I was. Always toting a smile no matter how much being MORBIDLY OBESE (OMG! Did I just say that?) was really bothering me. Of course I was preoccupied. I was M-A-D at myself!! I had lost 105 lbs since July 3 2011 with alot of hard work, determination, will power & want power (you have to want this in order for it to work not just will it to work) & the support of EVERYONE around me (online and in person)!! So many sweet people telling me I'm their inspiration and NOW in 1 week I gain 4.5 lbs!! How can this be? How can I inspire anyone? I started thinking right away, maybe I can't do this, maybe I'm not meant to be skinny, maybe I'm not who everyone says I am and that I don't deserve the praise, how can I let these people down, & how can I let myself down??
Like I said, I knew it was a rough week but I didn't do enough damage to put on almost 5 lbs and being that I did gain 4.5 lbs in just 1 week scared me. If it could come back that quick what am I gonna do if I can't get back in control?? ALL the hard work will have been for nothing. There's NO WAY I want to go back or will go back to where I was.....I AM NOT gonna let over 100 lbs come back on-not when I still have so far to go. I still want to lose about another 108-109 lbs....
The most current week that I just fininshed I still had a few rough days. I was getting scared again-still not gaining control. But, I also had good days and made sure I started to exercise again. I know what to eat what not to eat that I have to exercise and burn more calories than I consume. It wasn't easy and IDK why I had such a bad week prior and struggling with the week that just finished.
Anyway I got on the scale this morning and I lost 4 lbs!! I lost everything but 1/2 lb of what gained the other week. So, YES I'm extrememly happy and this in of itself is motivation to get back on that road. I got sidetracked a bit and I dealt with it and I've moved on.The scale is moving in the right direction again and I have that fire in me like I did whan I 1st started last July.
It's not easy-no one ever said it would be but IT'S WORTH IT!!! Giving up is easy! Quiting is easy! The end result is attainable! I see the finish line again!! I can do this! We can do this!!
I AM NOT A QUITTER!! I AM WORTH IT!! I LOVE MYSELF SO I WILL DO THIS!! I'M BACK !!!!!
And as Cher said in my favorite song for inspiration~"You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me"!!