Sunday, February 19, 2012
Halleigh would be turning 17 in 2 weeks and I am finding the depression striking with a vengence. So many of her favorite movies seem to be cycling back in to play lately. And while I "know" I can change the channel - I just can't change the channel. It has been about 2.5 years since she died but it sure feels like last night was the last time I held her as she left her mortal body. I am trying to deal with the overwhelming sadness that is washing over me. I am trying not to overeat. I am keeping healthy foods nearby and while there are lots of snacks in the house they are not the kind that would be my first choice in emotional binge eating. I am keeping to my training schedule as my next half marathon is in just under a month now. I am allowing myself to opening cry and grieve instead of stuffing it in. I am putting extra time on the treadmill to help physically work through the depression. I am doing it all.....but there are not enough miles that I can go to make the hurt stop. There are not enough miles I can go to bring my Bug back. There are not enough miles I can go to make the clock turn back. There are not enough miles to heal this broken heart.
I will keep doing what I am doing. I will keep to my survival plan. I will get through this.
But there will never be enough miles.