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Not enough miles

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Halleigh would be turning 17 in 2 weeks and I am finding the depression striking with a vengence. So many of her favorite movies seem to be cycling back in to play lately. And while I "know" I can change the channel - I just can't change the channel. It has been about 2.5 years since she died but it sure feels like last night was the last time I held her as she left her mortal body. I am trying to deal with the overwhelming sadness that is washing over me. I am trying not to overeat. I am keeping healthy foods nearby and while there are lots of snacks in the house they are not the kind that would be my first choice in emotional binge eating. I am keeping to my training schedule as my next half marathon is in just under a month now. I am allowing myself to opening cry and grieve instead of stuffing it in. I am putting extra time on the treadmill to help physically work through the depression. I am doing it all.....but there are not enough miles that I can go to make the hurt stop. There are not enough miles I can go to bring my Bug back. There are not enough miles I can go to make the clock turn back. There are not enough miles to heal this broken heart.

I will keep doing what I am doing. I will keep to my survival plan. I will get through this.

But there will never be enough miles.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sending you thoughts of peace.

    You are right there are never enough miles, or minutes or whatever it is we do to try and ease the pain.
    It changes through time. And in ways becomes easier to bear, but it will always be a part of you and make you who you are. It has been 6 years since the car accident that took 2 of my babies and I still grieve everyday. But am finally learning to live again. Live for my children still here, live for my hubby and most and hardest of all, live for me.
    2194 days ago
  • MOM23JS
    I wish I could take a way your pain. All I can offer is an ear to bend and someone to lean on... there will never be enough miles to get rid of the hole that you are feeling and for that I am sorry.
    2195 days ago
    Prayers and hugs.
    2195 days ago
    Hugs and prayers.
    2195 days ago
  • IILAAD65
    Oh honey.. how awfully sad!! GRIEVE as you must! There are wounds that time will lessen but it will never go away. I still grieve for my mother - I can't even imagine my child.

    If you need to talk .. please let me know. I am a great listener.

    You are looking at this very healthy.. I will pray for you over the next few weeks.

    2196 days ago
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