Today I am starting to track my foods, cause I realize that it is what I need to do to lose weight. I have been on Weight Watchers in the past, but lost 20 pounds and later gained it back all because I stopped tracking and went back to my eating habits.

I have a lot of emotional problems that I want to work out. I want to be a happier person than I have been. I don't remember really the last time that I smiled. My depression just gets worse when I can't even look at people or even at myself in the mirror. This is the heaviest I have been..well, maybe I have been in the 180's...but I used to be in better shape. I want people to notice me again, esp. the hubby.

I am also worried about my son getting light-headed at school during physical activities, even going up the stairs. I have a feeling it is his weight. He also takes meds like I do, and that has been adjusted to taking some at night, but he still gets dizzy. We both have problems with our ankles and knees. So I am trying to find a healthier plan for both of us...maybe even the whole family.

I have been really resistant to any exercise or healthy eating for a long time. I just gave up on it. We have had a lot of stressors in our life since March 2011. Now I think things are smoothing out. My husband has his first civilian job after being in the Navy for 20 years. I am still a stay-at-home mom and I think that is going to be permanent for me because of my mental health issues. It really depressed me. We don't have anyone here (where we moved) that we can call friends. No family here either. My kids and I need some outlet where we can go to. I guess it is up to me to find that.

So I guess the purpose of this first blog is to find out where I stand in life right now and put things into perspective for me since for years I have been stuffing it and forgetting. It is only going to get worse doing it that way...and just go to my stomach. I have a lot of healing to do and I realize I can't do that with food. I also keep on going back to smoking, but I want to make some changes gradually. So since I have all this time at home by myself (and the dog, lol) I can do some preparing. So please wish me luck!