I think loving myself is the most important part of reconnecting with my Healthy Me.
Lack of self-love is one of the things (hmmm … perhaps THE thing) that drives my emotional eating. I seek out my comfort foods, sweet, creamy carbilicious goodies, as a substitute for self-love. And we all know how well that strategy works! Oh sure, for a few minutes I am transported to a place of pure bliss as the sugars hit my tongue and fire off all those good-feeling sensations. But then all the sugar, fat and carbs hit my stomach and my system, and I feel physically sick and yucky. Then emotionally I feel empty, and mentally I feel like a failure. Like the addict I have become, craving another hit to make those bad feelings go way, I eat more sweet, creamy carbilicious goodies. I end up packing on the pounds, instead of packing in the joy, bliss, and peace I am really looking for. I end up with self-hate and self-loathing, instead of self-love. So I seek out more comfort through food, because I certainly have no comfort to offer myself. I became entrenched in this never-ending, downward spiraling, vicious cycle.
I have decided to get off this not-so-fun merry-go-round. After flailing around, trying this diet and that diet, reading about this food philosophy and that eating philosophy, taking up the self-flagellation whip and driving myself to exercise harder and faster, I have come to the conclusion that more self discipline and more self control is not the way. It just simply is not working for me. Just like hitting a dog when she poops in the house does not train her to go outside to relieve herself, smacking myself on the head and exerting tighter control over myself does not help me stick with the healthy habits I am trying so hard to acquire. I just yelp and feel confused over the pain.
Several things have been clicking for me this month. I have re-immersed myself into my spiritual practices, including meditation. I started on another journey with “The Artist’s Way,” and my morning pages have included some wonderful insights into my thoughts and feelings. The Healthy Lifestyle Blog post “Is Your Weight Loss Puzzle Missing a Crucial Piece?” set off lovely chimes within my head. I am ignoring my scale, not logging my food, and refusing to feel guilty because I’m not exercising. I am just concentrating on feeling that illusive emotion, self-love.
So right now, in this very moment, in all my moments, I am building up a deep love and heart-felt appreciation for Me. I know, to the depths of my being, that as I love myself into a state of allowing, into a state of thriving, into a state of blissed-out, joy-full, peace-filled, heart-stoppingly ecstatic self-love, everything else will fall into place. I will nourish myself with healthy foods, because I truly love myself. I will choose fun-filled, body-stretching movement, because I truly love myself. I will fill myself with sweet, creamy, delicious, comforting self-love, and that will fire off all the good-feeling sensations I will ever need. And all that love will overflow and reach out to everyone around me.
In case you missed it, here is a link to the Healthy Lifestyle Blog post, “Is Your Weight Loss Puzzle Missing a Crucial Piece?” that I mentioned. I heartily recommend it!