Friday, February 10, 2012
Valentine's Day is less than a week away and I have to decide how I will respond to it. Will I wallow in depression, loathing my life of solitude and loneliness? Or will I put a plastic smile on my face and gush about the amazing love of God and love for friends and how wonderful it is to have a day to celebrate it?
Neither response is accurate. I don't wallow in loneliness because I'm single. Yet, I don't celebrate it.
Long ago I made peace with my singleness and I can honestly tell you that I am content to remain single for the rest of my life if God so chooses. Yet, I can't completely quiet the longing deep within.
It's a constant battle for me. Or should I say a constant surrender. Every couple months, I return to this conversation with God.
I question Him.
I bargain with Him.
I beg Him.
And ultimately, I surrender to Him.
I know that this desire for marriage is from Him. He created me this way. So I am content that He will bring me the desires of my heart...or something better.
So as I sit down to a cup of tea, alone in my house with nothing but the dog and Josh Groban's voice to keep me company, I thank God that He has placed me exactly where He wants me. Exactly where I need to be. And I wonder how long this will last. Another year? Another 5 years? The rest of my life? I don't know the future, so I am content with today.