One of those rare moments where hubby is a turdhead.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Insomnia!!! Not really. It's just one night of not sleeping. But it bothers me because I really can't sleep all day tomorrow and I don't want to be falling asleep at work tomorrow night.
So tonight everything is hunky dorrry as normal with Josh and I. I love my husband. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. We lay down in bed and he's got a cold so I'm being a comforting wife and rubbing his back. Then he tells me his back is hurting him. He's very tall with very bad posture so I've been asking him to go to a chiropractor for a while.
He sighs and goes "Yah, I know."
And then I said "What if I got you in for a doctor visit. You can ask for a referral to a chiropractor, we can get you in for a sleep test (I'm 100% sure he has sleep apnea), and a cardiologist."
And he goes "Cardiologist? Pfffft. Why?"
"Because your mom has heart issues and you haven't seen one... ever... so I'm worried about you."
And he rolls his eyes at me and goes "Well stop, its stupid."
K here's a topic I throw down on. Most of you know I grew up with a dad that had multiple heart attacks, more than one angioplasty, and quadruple bipass. It will scar you for life to live in that fear. And that's as a child. I watched my dad have a few of those heart attacks. I was little little with his first one. You don't forget that fear. Now I'm a wife. The most important thing to me in the world is my husband. I'm scared every day that I'm going to come home from work and he's going to be dead. He's not taking care of himself, of course I'm scared. And he wants to roll his eyes at me and blow it off. NOT OK.
So I get out bed and say "Whoa, you know how I feel about heart conditions. I don't take them lightly. Not everyone is as lucky as my dad is. You could be taken from me in seconds. There's no coming back. When you're gone you're gone. And you want to treat me like I'm overreacting."
What's his response?
"If I reacted to every one of your overreactions, I wouldn't have any time left in the day."
Without getting all diva here.... I react to things that really bother me. When a person treats my like trash for no reason, I get upset. When someone goes off on my or any other kid, I get upset. When I feel backed into a corner, I get upset. Those are natural things to be upset about. Even higher on the list of things to react to is my husbands health. It was hard for me to confront him on it. So for him to make that comment to me was funny to him but extremely hurtful to me
So I let him have it. I told him that felt like a slap in the face and that it's hard for me to have this conversation. I said the worst thing that could happen to me is to lose him. There is no me without him. If he died I would be unrepairable. The world would meet a new me that isn't complete.
"I'm really tired and want to go to bed so if you want a heart to heart on this go talk to the mirror."
K so I forgot to mention this is at around 11 pm and he's got a cold. Why did I forget to mention that? Because I don't give a flip. I can't be ok with just leaving this conversation like it is. So I walk out of the room to breath for a sec. I come back in... HE'S ASLEEP.
So why is it that I'm tossing and turning and frustrated and want to kick puppies or some other cute adorably fuzzy creature and he's sound asleep.
What do I expect from guys- for them to be asleep.
What do I expect from my husband- my wife is hurting, she is physically pained from this, maybe I should give her 5 min and talk this out to where we can come to an agreement tonight and work on it in the morning.
Am I wrong in this?
I know Josh is a thinker and I'm a heart to heart person. I know his "ok" is really a full novel of words, but I want that novel. I want to hear his thoughts. I want to hear where he's coming from. And I want him to be (I know this sounds bad) is as much misery as I am about this.
I'm tired and I want to sleep but when I shut my eyes and try to calm down it just gets worse.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
Well, sure sounds like a guy thing to me!! They can be so clueless sometimes. It's ridiculous!! I understand how you are feeling. I have a very good friend whose husband died of a heart attack at 32!! She was pregnant with their 4th child at the time. Heart issues are nothing to brush off. My suggestion would be to wait until he is feeling a little better (and willing to listen) and ask him how it would make him feel if he died and left you and the kids all alone without him! How would you be able to support them and give them a good life without him?! I think guys tend to relate to their responsibilities more then to just our feelings on stuff.
Anyway, I'm sure that when he is feeling better he will apologize and realize what a "turdhead" he was being. I know that doesn't help your feelings right now and not being able to sleep. When this happens to me....I tend to spend a few hours writing my husband and big, long, letter to vent my frustrations. Then as punishment, he has to read it! LOL! Hope things get worked out soon. Hang in there!
2171 days ago
All men have their moments, don't take it personally. Try again when he's feeling better and you're both not exhausted.
2172 days ago
He may be avoiding his own fears about his health and that's why he doesn't want to discuss it. I agree with SNOWANGELSSPOCK, that book can really help you understand what's going on in that man's mind. Another good one is "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn (sp?).
It may be one of the hardest things to do, but one way to get him to pay attention to you is to do a "180". By that I mean react to him in a way totally different from what he expects from you. For example, if your normal reaction to his criticism is to get upset and cry, or press the issue further, tell him "okay, never mind" and leave the room.
Guaranteed, his jaw will hit the floor and sooner or later he'll be approaching you about the subject.
Prayers for you guys going up now!
2172 days ago
Hopefully despite his negative responses he heard you and will get things checked out. My husband is terrible about going to the doctor unless I just make him an appointment and tell him to go. I think they don't like to admit they might have an issue.
2172 days ago
Hang in there! One of the things I learned about my DH, and I bet it holds true for almost all husbands, is that it takes time for them to come to the same place in a conversation as it does the wife. He will take some time to mull the conversation over and then will be able to discuss it rationally.
Give him a day or two and approach the subject again with our own words "The worst thing that could happen to me is to lose you. There is no me without you. If you died I would be unrepairable. " But say it with love instead of frustration because that is how you really meant it. Give him a hug and a kiss. He will respond appropriately.
Then ask him to follow up with an annual physical, a reasonable request at any age. Let the doctor be the villain that tells him if he is in danger of damaging his health. That's his job.
2172 days ago
Oh girl! Hugs! I can completely relate to what you're saying and about your husband not caring too. My dad died when I was 20 months old and my mom raised us three kids by herself. I'm constantly afraid that will happen to me even though rationally I know it won't. Add to that, I work in a pulmonologist's office and see a parade of COPD patients and people on oxygen fro smoking and my husband smokes. A friend's brother was just diagnosed with an aggressive form of lung cancer that didn't show up on a chest x-ray in January. And we just had a patient die of severe COPD at 58. And we just went to a funeral for a parent of one of my son's football team members that died of esophageal cancer at 52. I told him that's why I want him to quit smoking and he said, "I know." And is still smoking. Grrr...I feel you! Hang in there and know that he probably didn't mean it in a mean way. He was probably crabby because he felt sick and was tired. Hugs!
2172 days ago
Hope you get some sleep. You are right about your husband needing to see a dr, especially to check that sleep apnea. I would try talking to him again on the weekend in the morning after you have both rested.
Today will be a better day for you.
2172 days ago
Josh loves you. I do not get royalties, but strongly suggest you get a copy of men are from mars, women are from venus.
I say this because you and josh were speaking 2 different languages. Just because he doesn't look hurt on the outside doesn't mean it isn't tearing him up on the inside.
For most things it takes a man along time to make a decision, but you he makes good ones he picked you.
I know i am the wrong gender to be giving you advice.
"But" instead of telling him what to do, maybe ask what you can do to help him, because he is so important to you.
I mean this in love and pray that God blesses you guys in a mighty way.
2172 days ago
Hope you finally got some sleep....Of course, like all responsible adults, Josh should see his doctor for a routine physical every year just to make sure everything is A-OK. As for talking to him about the possibility of him dying at 11 pm when he has a cold, well...ARE YOU NUTS??? Just kidding, but I do think your timing was a bit off. I do understand the fear of losing your husband - lost mine on Labor Day after 30 years together. It's tough! It would have been much better if Josh had said, "I know you are worried, honey, and I promise we will talk about this tomorrow for as long as you need to, but I am too tired to do it now." And he definitely could have skipped the cracks about over-reacting, but I suspect he just wanted to be left alone and was trying to shut you down as fast as possible. I know you two will be OK today after you have both had some sleep...hang in there.
2172 days ago
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