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CRUXAETERNUM

SparkPoints
 

Mistakes I knew I was making.

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Today was exhilarating, even though it was a small victory, it felt huge to me.

I woke up this morning and weighed myself, despite it not being an official weigh in. Up two pounds. I was in a terrible mood all morning. Ate at work on both of my breaks, which as some of you know, is terrible since I work at McDonalds. Grumpy and feeling fat and unhappy, I trekked home, intending to stop at the grocery store to curb my chocolate and cheese cravings (my two biggest cravings). I -needed- Reese's Peanut Butter cups and I -needed- it in ice cream. Armed with a Hawaiian pizza and Red Velvet Ice Cream ( They were sold out of Reeses), I headed for the cash, walking through the vegetable section. I resolutely tried to avoid looking at the resplendent array of greenery, but something in me just made me stop. I thought about how hard I've been working, how sore I was last night and how I worked out anyways, how I dragged myself to dance class with a swollen ankle on Monday and I made a realization. Yes, I made some poor food choices earlier in the day, but I wasn't over my calories yet and as much as it would be satisfying to eat all of that crap, it would just hinder me further and I'd feel so much worse about it.

And so, I went back to the freezer section, relieved myself of my fatty burden and instead picked out some greek yogurt and strawberries and at the cash, since the Reese's craving was still there, I bought a chocolate bar. There was no need at all for me to have an entire tub of the stuff to consume anyways. When I came home, I calculated everything out and even with my chocolate bar and crappy eating earlier, I'll still be within range, which I wouldn't have been if I hadn't made the right decision.

Making that choice, to be reasonable and to stay within my limits was such a rush. I've always been awful at saying no, especially to myself, and it really opened up my eyes. I can do this, I realize now, and the only person stopping me all this time is myself.

Small victory, maybe, but it's the little ones that matter most.

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