Wednesday, February 08, 2012
There are so many things I can't do right now because of my weight.
I can't sit in a booth at a restaurant. I can't sleep at night without a CPAP machine. I cry when I clothes shop online because I have to buy what fits, even though I don't like the style or color. I must shop online because I can't buy clothes in a regular store. I get out of breath when I bend over. I can't fit into a single airplane seat, I have to pay for two seats and I can't fly in that airplane without a seat belt extender.
Recently, someone I love gently sat me down and told me, "Just because you can't do those things now doesn't mean you never will. You just can't do those things yet." Every time I would cry and get discouraged they would say it again.
I began to believe it was true, and I felt a seed of hope form inside. I told myself, "Not yet" when I struggled to tie my shoes. I felt silly at first, but I kept doing it. When I surveyed a closet packed with too-small sizes, I said out loud, "It won't be long and I'll wear these clothes. Just not yet." When we sat down at a table in the diner to have lunch, I looked over at the booths and softly said to myself, "Not yet."
I've been doing this now for a couple weeks and I feel the difference. When weight-related issues like that come up and I can feel myself getting frustrated, I stop and tell myself, "No, I can't do that."