Monday, February 06, 2012
I have developed a list of what I’ve been telling myself that has kept me overweight. It reveals some really odd ways of thinking—stuff from childhood on up. Apparently I believe in magic and have no difficulty with paradoxes. Nonetheless, seeing this in writing will make it much easier for me to identify when one of these beliefs is leading me to eat at any given time, and there may be more; I’ll have to add as necessary.
Reasons to be overweight:
1. I want to be a soft mommy for my kids
a. Do they have to actually disappear into my lap?
b. I can still be soft at my ideal weight.
c. Being fat makes me a less fun mommy.
2. I want to be big and powerful, even intimidating sometimes.
a. This doesn’t work unless I’m Jabba the Hut, and I have a feeling even he wasn’t intimidating because of the weight.
b. Fat doesn’t make me taller.
c. Fat doesn’t make me stronger, though it may make me more difficult to move/push, but I have no intention of getting into any situation (bar fight? Black Friday sales?) where that’s necessary.
3. I want to be invisible
a. I’m not transparent
4. I want to be noticed
a. Nobody else is transparent either!
b. See 3. above—huh?
5. I want people to care for me
a. Everyone has their own problems
6. I want to be less intimidating in terms of my own IQ, personality
a. Being fat doesn’t make me any less smart or brilliant
7. I want to have an excuse not to do certain things
a. How about just “N_O_?”
8. If I lose weight, I may get loose and wrinkly skin
a. If I don’t lose weight, I may get dead.
9. If I’m thin, people will see me as small and weak.
a. See 2. above
b. Being thin doesn’t make me any less smart or brilliant (See 6. above—huh again?)
c. ~I~ see myself as small and weak! And being fat doesn’t change that. Neither will being thin.
d. BEING POWERFUL IS A STATE OF MIND.
What’s your list?