Monday, February 06, 2012
Do you ever have that out of body experience? Like, you know what’s going on around you is meant for you, but it doesn’t seem like it is really you in the moment?
This is how I’ve been feeling for months now, in a good way for the most part, but this past weekend really kind of cemented this thought in my head.
I’ve been struggling with the scale for the past two weeks. I’ve been struggling with running motivation for the past month, since my half marathon. I’ve been working out regularly, but I haven’t been running. I’ve been fiddling with numbers and trying to get my eating “just right”. January was a weird month for me.
Something clicked over the weekend though. During a time of month where I am normally down and in a bad mood, I found peace. I found balance. I found parts of me that I didn’t know existed.
As most people who follow me know, weight loss has been kind of secondary to the mental health aspects of exercise for me. While I want and NEED to lose weight, I started exercising regularly for reasons far beyond my physical fitness and appearance. Of course, I knew physical improvements were bound to follow, but my main motivation to exercise was to fix my moods and help me find this person inside of me I had lost a long time ago.
What’s interesting to me is that not only am I finding that person I lost, but there’s also this new (to me) part of me that is emerging. I’m still not quite ready to grasp this part, maybe I’m in denial, but apparently it is out there for the world to see.
I’m a very honest person. Everything I say and do is the truth, whether people like that or not. Sometimes that can be a bad thing. Right now, it seems to be a very good thing. By being honest and open, I have been able to reach people. I have nothing to gain from that. I have a FB page, I have a Sparkpeople profile, I have a MyFitnessPal profile, all of which were created by me, for me. I don’t make money off them, I am not a professional anything, other than and Office Manager for a media company. I do everything on my own time, just because I want to.
I’m the same person I used to be, but I have also created this new part of me. The runner. The athlete. The inspiration. (OK, that’s just weird to say.) I still haven’t wrapped my head around all this, but it is what it is. At least, this is how everyone seems to perceive me at this point.
Some things that brought this to the forefront:
•Over the past week, I had two separate people – one whom I’ve know since I was 10 years old (for those who are counting, that’s 25 years) and one whom I’ve never met in person and just know from FB, after “meeting” on the C25K page – send me a link to the SAME EXACT run, telling me they thought of me when they saw it. I can guarantee you that the person who has known me for 25 years would never in a million years have thought to send that link to me a year ago.
•Another friend whom I’ve known since I was 10 years old, posted on my wall that she was starting C25K because I inspired her to do so, after giving birth to her 3rd child. She was always very athletic and thin, so for her to say I inspired her was shocking, to say the least.
•I walked into a Super Bowl party last night, 30 minutes late, because I HAD to fit my run in and then had to have a shower before going to the party.
•When I walked into that Super Bowl party, I was immediately told by someone that she was starting the C25K program because of me also.
•Less than 20 minutes later, I had another person talking to me about my half marathon, and telling me that I should definitely do the Marine Corps Marathon. We compared training programs and “talked shop” about running. So weird.
I made myself get on the treadmill and run over the weekend. BOTH days. Both days I pushed past my “wall” that I seem to hit at about a mile and a half. I ran 3.75 miles on Saturday, and 4 miles on Sunday without stopping. I had never made it past 30 minutes of running on the treadmill prior to Saturday. I also had only run the 5K distance without walking twice, once was in the half marathon. I doubled that over the weekend. As I was warming up on the treadmill yesterday, I received a FB message from an old high school acquaintance. We were not close friends in school, and even though we are FB friends, we very rarely have interaction.
Here is the message:
“Just wanted to let you know that I start my trek to healthy tomorrow and you and one other person are my inspiration. Seeing your posts everyday has made me realize that I am the only one to blame for what I have become and I am so proud of you. My hope is that one day we can get together with some other friends from long ago and maybe run a marathon. I will be making daily posts and continue to watch yours. Thank you for being so brave.”
Honestly, that message brought tears to my eyes, and gave me the motivation I needed to make sure I pushed through that “I don’t wanna” feeling I had when I first got on the treadmill.
On Saturday afternoon, I was “tagged” in someone’s post on her own personal page:
“For all of my workout friends and other friends who need some motivation to get in shape and healthy, check out Workout Girl. She is so motivational. Her daily blogs have truly made me want to do better for myself. This is a blog and journey of her weight-loss.”
That just floored me.
What I don’t think people realize is that you all inspire ME daily. If I didn’t have a place to come to like this to vent and whine and brag and just dump all my “stuff”, I very likely would be in a very different place than I am right now. I do not take these messages for granted. If my daily ramblings touch people enough to make them want to better themselves, then I feel like I have a purpose. I have a purpose outside of being a wife/mom/office manager. I never thought I did. I’ve always been average. Girl next door. I’ve never been the “hot chick”, I’ve never been the “super athlete”, I’ve never been the “superstar”. I’m decent at things, but I’ve never been really good at anything (other than spelling…LOL).
So, to all of you who follow me, and take the time to send me messages like these, or just comment or even just “like” my posts…thank you. Thank you for making me feel special. Thank you for helping me find my purpose, and for being here with me on this journey to a better me. Whether or not I lose another pound, or ever get my 35 minute 5K time, I feel I have succeeded in something.