Sunday, February 05, 2012
I went to the Dr.'s the a couple days ago for a terrible cold that I caught which has been going around and my first thought was not about my illness, whether it was more serious than just a nasty cold, if I would have to miss more work, none of that. My first thought was 'I really hope I haven't gained any weight since the last time I was at the Dr.'s.' Or, if like me there is usually a long time gap between Dr's visits so maybe in that pt. chart you've lost 30lbs but since the last time you've weighed yourself you know you've gained six. You feel guilty that the nurse is congratulating you on your weight-loss success when you know you fell off the wagon a month ago. Well, none of that happened with me. I lost weight according to the Dr.'s chart, but I've stayed the same since I last weighed myself privately and that was months ago. I could be happy about it saying "at least i didn't gain", but I find I am not. I had an opportunity and I missed it. I notice many women trying to lose weight step on the scale monthly or weekly, sometimes even daily to measure ever step of their success, pound by pound by pound sometimes it seems. You work really hard, eat well, exercise, exercise, exercise only to step on the scale only to see 2 pounds lost. You say to yourself "Is that all, I feel like I lost more!" and you wonder if you might have just been retaining water last time and maybe you didn't even lose those 2 lbs. For those ladies trying to lose 10lbs, those 2lbs are a frog jump forward, but for those of us larger ladies with 100lbs+ to lose, that's like baby stepping it on a 10 mile hike and you not sure if you'll ever reach the end. And if you happen to gain a measly pound that's libel to put you over the edge and you just may end up crying in the bottom of a bag of potato chips (salt-n-vinegar are my prescription of choice) utterly discouraged that you'll ever succeed. Us women can be too demanding, unreasonable, and unrealistic on ourselves. Setting ourselves up to fail.
Well, I have been months without the benefit of a scale readily available to me. This was my chance to see what I could accomplish if I wasn't measuring my success by numbers alone but by how I felt, my energy level, how many healthy new recipes I added to my recipe box, if I could fit into a new pair of jeans etc. Then months after measuring my success in these small, encouraging, ways an opportunity would have arose, say a dr.'s appt., where I would have to step on a scale once again. I could have seen results of 15, 20, 30 lbs lost ! Much more rewarding and encouraging numbers, without the pressure of watching them creep down at what feels like a snails pace. I didn't take that opportunity. I put off taking those positive steps and when I stepped up on that scale - no change. Just not gaining weight is not good enough for me anymore. I want to Lose, Lose, Lose!!!!!