Friday, February 03, 2012
What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Today I am making everything new when it comes to diet and exercise. I have suffered now for 6 years with this ugly eating disorder. This demon inside of me has taken more than weight off of me; it has robbed me of so many of lifeís precious moments including my first year of marriage. I need to stop letting this demon tell me I am no good, not pretty, not skinny, etcÖI need to start listening to those around me who actually love me for me and not for what I look like. This sounds like an easy task but for those struggling with ED, you know itís not as easy as shutting the door and moving ahead. I used to tell myself I was in remission from ED but looking back, I donít actually think I ever was because as soon as I gained weight (evan a couple lbs) I'd let him back in even if for just a day or two. Even when I wasnít succumbing to his destructive behavior he is always in the back corner softly whispering to me that today my legs look bigger, your pants feel tighter or that fight you had with your hubby was because youíre not skinny or pretty anymore. I canít let him talk to me anymore and make me spend my life second guessing what everyone close to me tells me. I want to spend my life enjoying the small things; looking in the mirror & seeing my pretty face not all the imperfections of my body that I may or may not even have...I want to be HAPPY again.
Iíve have been struggling with weight gain of 20 lbs and I am determined to get the weight off without the help of ED, but rather tracking food and exercise all with the hopes of not becoming obsessive especially in regards to exercise. I like to eat and I need to remind myself that I canít pig out and then just purge, if I pig out then I need to suffer eth consequences of the scale not decreasing. Sure, I am hungry at times, because body is used to getting food even if just for awhile before being purged, but I know in time I will adjust to the reduced calories. The reduction of cals arenít starving by any means 1200-1500 and the hunger pains will stop as I get accustomed to eating within my new recommended daily allowance.
My 8 week plan to lose 2 lbs a week (16 lbs bringing me down to 135):
- 1200-1500 cals a day (avg 1300 cals during the week & 1500 cals on the weekends)
- 2000-3000 cals burned in exercise a week (5 lunch workouts & 1 weekend workout w/an occasional extra night cardio class)
- Add protein shakes after each workout (higher quality protein shake on the days I lift)
- When I get hungry at my sitting job, get up and take a walk around the office
- Increase my water consumption
- JOURNAL JOURNAL JOURNAL (this one is what is going to keep ED away and will be the most beneficial in the end even if I donít lose weight)
I am still going to see my doctor about other hormonal issues that may be causing the weight gain despite no changes to my old maintaining regimen. I am hoping she can assist me in dealing with issues I feel are related to that stupid Mirena IUD, I had taken out almost 2 years ago. The worst mistake I ever had was getting that IUD, but again the past is the past and itís time to move forward and find ways to change what came of that decision.
Here is to a new day, new month and new year!