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Locating Happy

Friday, February 03, 2012

"So what you're saying is that if nothing changed for the better or for the worse for the rest of your life you would be happy just the way you are?"

I thought for a minute and then nodded my head. "Yeah, I believe I would be. I mean, I am sure there are things I would like to see, places I would like to go and people I would like to meet, but my happiness isn't contingent about all that happening."

"Well what about money? Don't you want more money?" I thought about that for a few minutes, staring down at the table in the restaurant.

"I want to be secure." I said. "I don't necessarily want to be wealthy, but I'd like to be secure."

So the conversation went. Larry and I were having our weekly lunch meeting. Larry's about 23 years younger than I am and quite naturally his perspective and his goals and objectives are different. Larry is raising two daughters, my children are already grown. A matter of perspective, if you will.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't some sort of rant against wealth. I don't begrudge anyone earning as much money as they feel compelled to earn. It is just that I am at a point in my life were wealth doesn't define success. So as I drove home I thought a lot about the conversation Larry and I had. If I'm not happy to begin with how can I be "happier?" If I don't feel I'm wealthy right now, how can I be "wealthier?" Yeah, it is a matter of perspective. My thoughts turned into a revelation of sorts. Maybe I've been approaching things backward for most of my life. Maybe, I should work on the now, the today, and tomorrow will become a natural byproduct. I am at a point in my life where downsizing is a positive term. Joan and I talk about moving into a smaller place, maybe a condominium, maybe in a climate where the weather is warmer. We talk about the uncertainty of retirement and wonder if it'll ever be a reality for us. Despite all the changes that have occurred in the landscape over the past five years I still have to count myself, baggage and all, as being relatively happy person. Sometimes I feel guilty about that. In this world that seems to be brimming over with drama, when all is said and done I am relatively happy. Somewhere, somehow we developed the notion that if you're not moving forward, your statement. Maybe, just maybe, it may be that you have stopped to inhale the scenery around you.

So when I looked across the table at Larry with somewhat of a cockeyed grin for the first time in a few days I felt fairly confident saying "Yeah, I'm happy just the way I am."

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 2/20/2012 3:52PM

    Being happy just the way I am is a powerful thought.

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NEEDTOLOSE100LB 2/10/2012 9:51AM

    Thank you for this blog. It helps me to know that what I feel when I am happy with what I have is good. People don't understand when I tell them I don't have a TV at my house and I don't have internet either. They ask me what I do. I read a lot, I walk a lot and I reflect at lot (not always a happy thing, but...) I enjoy not having the boob tube there every night demanding my time. I rent Netflix and have seen a lot of movies (on my laptop) of all kinds now. I need to read more non-fiction and be a little more consistent in my reading of scripture, but that will all come in time. I am a work in progress, but I am HAPPY with the progress. If you can't be happy with yourself, you cannot be happy and you are liable to make other people unhappy too.
Keep blogging and sharing.
Laurie

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WALKNLOVE 2/9/2012 6:25AM

    Happiness is yours because you have learned that to be content is to be happy...not saying that we "stay put", but we appreciate and seek to see all the gifts that God has given us and that makes us joyful! God is our provider and he gives us everything we need that pertains to life and godliness. LOVED the blog John & LOVE your perspective on life...you truly are blessed!!!!

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MARCYNA 2/9/2012 5:51AM

    Lovely, lovely. As usualy it's a great blog John!!!!

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JESPAH 2/7/2012 11:53AM

    ... are you really just a shadow of the man that I once knew? :)

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RSTENNER 2/7/2012 9:46AM

    Man, wish I would have heard about all of this before I got all these things I have to take care of! But really, finding contentment in the everyday moments of life is such a blessing. I used the excuse for cleaning my house for years, that I would rather go for a walk with one of my kids, than have a spotless perfect house. So now after five kids and 30 years of childrearing, I'm left with a house that has every closet packed full, and 500 hours of housework to do that I didn't do because I played with my kids! But I wouldn't change a thing, we had a good time, and guess what, the house is still there. Now my husband and I can spend the first year of our retirement cleaning it out! Hoarders here we come! emoticon

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WORKINGSTIFF 2/7/2012 9:07AM

    Great blog and a message for all of us.

I think the older we get, the more we realize that life is about more than just "the things." I've always cautioned my own sons that "possessions possess."

Life is not about the things we gather but rather the love we give and get.



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SPARKENISTA 2/5/2012 5:41PM

    John--First of all, if you are "happy" or "content" with your life, you are way ahead of the game. As far as material wealth, according to the readings that I have done, we all carry opinions about "those" people--or the 1% as is popular now.

Very often we have grown up with the idea that is morally upright to make due, or struggle for money. "Creating Money", the book I mentioned in my blog, talks about that a lot. I hope you do download it because I think it will help to clarify a lot of issues.

There are as many lousy poor people as there are rich people. Conversely, there are as many fabulous and giving poor people as rich people. Can we talk about Bill Gates who is giving all of his money to charitable foundations that he created with it--and not to his children.

Another great book on this topic is Barbara Stanny's book "The Six-Figure Woman". She not only deals with this topic in detail but gives thought-provoking exercises to help clarify our ideas about where our concepts started and whether we still buy into those ideas or want to evolve new ones.

BTW, did you ever get the "Healing Back Pain" book? If so, do you like it?

Please let me know.

emoticon emoticon

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NASFKAB 2/4/2012 1:36AM

  Thanks great

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CARTOONB 2/3/2012 10:41PM

    On the road of life, I'm between you and Larry. However, I answered your first question quite like you did. I am happy just the way I am. I like where I am. If everything stayed exactly as it is now, I'd still be happy. Nice place to be, huh?

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7356WILMA 2/3/2012 7:57PM

  Thank you!! I need this today!!

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EXCUSES-BE-GONE 2/3/2012 6:38PM

    emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 2/3/2012 4:39PM

    I'm in the same place. When I was younger it seemed like having a lot of cool stuff was a win-win situation. Now it is a lot to take care of and I prefer to spend my life doing something besides care-giving to things. The more you have the more work you have to take care of it.

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GETFIT2LIVE 2/3/2012 4:04PM

    Learning how to be happy with where we are, who we are, how we are is one of the most important things we can ever do. It is a matter of perspective; thanks for the reminder, John!

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SNOWANGELDIVA 2/3/2012 3:07PM

    BOOYAH!!
Philippians 4:11 “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.”
The entire blog I just heard this truth resonating...

Blessings!

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KKINNEA 2/3/2012 2:24PM

    Love it!

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VIVIANJ5 2/3/2012 11:07AM

    John, what a wonderful post! Gives all of us so much to think about...

I completely agree that we should never should stop striving to improve our lives, whatever improvement means for us. Lose weight, eat healthier, downsize, meditate more...but if it comes from a place of contentment, it's much easier to appreciate the journey and not get caught up in the arrival. Especially since we may never arrive!

Thank you for this wake-up call!

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HLPRATT 2/3/2012 9:43AM

    Good for you John!!

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TRULYVISIBLE 2/3/2012 9:32AM

  The different stages of life. When I was your friends age I was still chasing the dollar and making the mega bucks. Money is great for security and some luxury vacations but it does not make you happy. it is what goes on in your personal life that that gives you that inner peace and fulfillment. It is love, friendship and health that makes me happy and in the end I think fulfills people the most. As long as you can pay your bills and a little reserve for emergencies, I don't think above that does anything for your contentment and happiness in life.

Great blog! Written in your wonderful gifted way. I am clicking the like button.

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ZURDTA- 2/3/2012 9:02AM

    Yes.. xx

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TRAVELGRRL 2/3/2012 9:00AM

    I have two brothers in law; one's an attorney and one's a physician. They are my husband's brothers. They are both older and have no plans to quit working until they're 70.

My husband was a teacher and retired at age 55, ten years ago. I just quit my FT teaching job last May.

Do we have as much money as the doctor and the lawyer? Absolutely not. Are we as happy or happier? Absolutely. Every family gathering the topic comes up: "How could the teacher afford to retire when the doctor and the lawyer can't?"

It's all about being happy with what you HAVE. I know my husband wouldn't trade the last 10 years for any amount of money.

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CIVIAV 2/3/2012 8:58AM

    And yeah for that. Just maybe the world is in the state it is because many of us put out the energy that says, now isn't enough, I need more, I am unhappy. So important that we take care of our part, yes?!

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HDHAWK 2/3/2012 8:54AM

    I have to remind myself regularly to live for today and not for when. When I get my bills paid off, when I retire, when I lose the weight. I may not be here when so I need to be happy now!

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