Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Well, January started out really well, and ended really... not. Two rough weeks in a row took their toll on both my eating and my exercise habits, and this week isn't shaping up to be a whole lot better. But I'm definitely trying. Weight-wise. I'm staying consistent, which is good, I guess. At least I haven't gained. I may be up a pound or so - I'll weigh in a bit when I do my measurements.
I'm frustrated with myself, sure, but at the same point in time, it doesn't do me any good to beat myself up over that which I cannot change. I know that I don't do well when I'm super stressed, and let me tell you, I'm definitely super stressed these days. School's a very, very stressful place to be, and I feel like I'm on edge. Most of us do, truth be told. We're in that position where there have already been administrative changes, so the next step for our campus is staff changes. Each one of us sits down with the head of human resources, our principal, and head of middle schools next week to tell them whether we can commit to the expectations of our principal next year (I have no problem with any of them), and hopefully hear if we're even welcome back next year. That's the hard thing - I don't think anyone really knows if she WANTS us back. And her demeanor has changed significantly overall lately, which makes it harder. I get that she's under a lot of stress and pressure as well, but gosh. I finally have a meeting with her this morning, I assume about a parent concern that apparently was raised over a week ago that I asked her about directly (I found out from other teachers that she had called kids out of class to ask them if they were comfortable in mine), and she still hasn't addressed with me. I *hate* that. She didn't "have time" at that point to talk to me, so I've just been waiting. And if it's something I need to speak with the parent about (if she even tells me what / who it is), it's now been well over a week since she has known. Obviously it's not that important, because if it was, she would have made it a priority, but still. You don't leave someone wondering what they did for that long, especially when I only know about it because other teachers heard from kids and told me. SO not ok.
So... yeah. It's been crazy and stressful. Part of me wants to go back to my campus next year because I love the community and feel like, if we actually had a committed staff who put kids first, we could do such good work there. But part of me really questions if it's time to move on. The hard part is that AVID is a huge, integral part of who I am, and I can't imagine going somewhere that I couldn't teach AVID, even for a class or two. So, we'll see.
I have to recommit to me this month. Yet again. I guess the good thing here is that I haven't given up yet, right? I'm still trying to get it right.