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    TAFFIN2000   17,225
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Ex-husband rant


Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Sorry, I don't really have any where else to rant about what's on my mind...so here goes.

I don't understand how a man who spent the last six years in his bedroom, not spending any time with his wife and kids, always saying he is a loner and can't deal with relationships can be divorced less then two weeks and suddenly have time to spend with his girlfriend. Time to work on a relationship with someone else.

My ex always said he was too tired and stressed to put any energy into our family. He always told me he should never have gotten married and had kids. He was a loner. He always told me how wonderful I am. He always told me that he's never met a woman as amazing as me (he last said that about three weeks ago.) He always told me he loved me, but he just couldn't deal with relationships.

Less than two week after the divorce was finalized he started spending a few nights a week out of the house. Oh, let me add some details here...due to very low income we still live in the same TINY house. (I'm working hard to change this.) He's got a girlfriend. He has time to spend hours with her and she has kids. How is that?

I just don't understand. Normally the fact that he never gave me and his kids any time and the fact he has time for his girlfriend, it would have made me feel like I wasn't valuable...like I wasn't worth his time and effort. But, thank the Lord that is changing! Those thoughts come into my head, but they quickly find their way back out. I just don't understand the logic.

It's really hard since I still live in the same home with my ex-husband. Especially since he has a girlfriend, and with him still telling me many days that he loves me!

I've been a stay-at-home mom for 19 years. It was his wishes when we got married that I would stay home the kids. He felt it was right and he didn't want me in the work environment...because I might meet someone else. But, now I'm working towards some job skills and re-entering the workforce.

I'm finally starting to understand that I don't need anyone. I don't need someone to give me worth. I have value as an individual.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUELZ15 8/5/2012 11:58PM

  First off ..know this. You are beautiful strong and a mother. You can do better. God loves you and he will not give u more than u can bare. Let your husband know its curtains for him. Show's over!!!

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HAPINANA 8/5/2012 1:34PM

    LOL... been there done it all!! Kick him OUT!!...You may think you can't afford it, but you "will" be able to do it...and with peace of mind to go with it! Enjoy "you" and your children.... Life will only get better!
I actually told my ex's new girlfriend on the phone that she was the "NEW VICTIM"... be careful. She then married him and is trying to deal with the same issues that he and I had... I feel for you, but be STRONG.... emoticon
emoticon emoticon I'm here for you!!

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BACKTOTEN12 3/2/2012 3:01PM

    Nothing is impossible with God. You will find your way and be successful because your priorities are in the right place. God bless you and yours.

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SANDIVA1 2/13/2012 10:13AM

    I think I'd start bringing home " Company " too, see how uncomfortable he would be sitting around watching movies while your snuggled up to someone else...sauce for the goose. Might encourage him to move....so you can get on with your life....hey doors may close but only when another one is knocking to open up...trust in yourself. You are a beautiful woman and deserve to have your hearts desire...go for it!

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NEWKATHYNOW 2/3/2012 11:39PM

    First, let me say I've been there also. In hindsight in my own case I now believe the "staying home so you won't meet someone else" thing is a means of knowing where YOU are so he can do what he wants without worrying about you catching him. The gf didn't just appear - he had to put the energy into that relationship to get it started. If she was smart she'd ask more questions about why you're divorced and see the writing on the wall. She's looking at her future, sad as it may be. You on the other hand are standing at the threshold of your own future, It can be what ever you wish it to be. My divorce opened the door to a whole new life. I met the man of my dreams and I found out firsthand what unconditional love really is like. Whenever a door has closed in my life it has turned out to be because God was opening another door for me to enjoy the riches He had planned for me. You have your whole life before you - step out in faith and enjoy what you truly deserve.

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MERRYJO1 1/31/2012 3:45PM

  I'm glad you realize your great value that Christ died for you. He will love you and care for you and meet your every need. We have no idea what doors He will open for you and the children. But they will be good! That doesn't mean we don't go through some valleys; before we reach the mountaintop! Words are really meaningless sometimes but love will see you through, God's love, it's for real.

Take care, dear friend.

emoticon Joy

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CLAVINOVA 1/31/2012 12:15PM

    YES - You GO Girl!!! You have tremendous value and your ex is the one who has lost a great part of his life!! You are even more amazing that you let him live in the house after the divorce and let him go out instead of helping with his kids and household duties! You will be the one who receives rewards from this situation. Hope you have a Fabulous and Sparky February!!!

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YCAMOMMY 1/31/2012 11:06AM

    I struggle with my ex-husband on a daily basis, it can be a very difficult process. We've been divorced for 8 years now, but we still have a daughter in common that we have to co-parent - and it is soooo hard. Ignore the negative, and live your life the way you want to - the freedom that you'll feel when you finally realize that no one else controls your destiny is exhilerating - enjoy the ride!!

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PENNEYV 1/31/2012 8:41AM

    I am so glad that you have discovered your worth outside of the values that a man who is only self-centered can give. You are so much more generous than I. I don't think that I could continue to live in the same house. I am sure that you feel you have no other choices, but if he has desired the separate relationship then he needs to be willing to make the changes. I am praying that God will quickly bring in your life a position that will financially meet your and your children's needs. emoticon I pity the other woman. She has no clue.

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TML-2012 1/31/2012 8:02AM

    A leopard does not change it spots. He may be showing interest in her now and being all the things he think she wants him to be for him to get into her life (honeymoon period) but I doubt it will last once he thinks he has snagged her.

As to the words he says to you. I would just consider the source. I was in love with someone I considered my soulmate and he taught me the value of the old saying that actions speak louder than words. He wrote the most beautiful love letters told me all the right things but his actions said I did not really matter a tinkers darn to him.

It was really hard for me to break free and I still think of him and miss him (if I truly admit it I still love him). Every so often he will write and tell me how I am the most wonderful woman in the world and that he screwed up and I just agree with him - yes I am wonderful and yes he did screw up but that does not mean I am going back to him.

Personally, I would focus on you and how to get what you and your children need so that you can start a new life and find someone that deserves you. As to the gf thank the stars she is taking him off your hands and that you can use this relationship to get free. He would probably be will to give quite a bit to be able to be with her. She does not see him with the same eyes (the real him) and in her eyes right now he is Mr. Perfect. So I would unload him quick before he falls back into his old ways and she sees him for what he really is because if that happens he will be turning back to you and it will be harder to start fresh.



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RAINBOWFALLS 1/31/2012 7:04AM

    I'm glad you are headed out of the relationship. He does not deserve you! Keep your chin up and know that we are here to listen. emoticon

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CANDOK1260 1/31/2012 7:01AM

    good luck and i will prays for you and your family

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SWEETYOUNGTHING 1/31/2012 6:25AM

    Sounds like theres a very good reason that you've given him the title of "Ex-husband!" (I have one of those myself). Here's what I've learned in life - one of the many lessons - Selfish people can't truly love anyone else but themselves because they are selfish. It's really that simple.

You sound like you've got good self-esteem; embrace that. You've got the entire world at your feet right now and it sounds like you're ready to change your life and maybe improve some situations.

DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE, NOT EVEN A SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER, DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. Staying true to yourself doesn't mean turning your back on others, just remembering that you are important, too, and need to love yourself and nurture yourself like you would your kids or a good friend.

Be happy!! Pat

Comment edited on: 1/31/2012 6:26:08 AM

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NADINEL 1/31/2012 1:00AM

    You are a woman of great worth. Never forget that.
Sounds like he is pretty messed up. Mid-life crisis on his part?
My ex left me for a young woman who was younger than his own daughter. For the first few weeks, I spent my time trying to keep his grown daughter from going over there and trying to literally kill her. The kids were so angry. Its been 12 years now. He later married her and she took him to the cleaners, then she divorced him. He has had multiple girlfriends since then. His sin always finds him out.
About a week ago on FaceBook, he said he still loves all his ex's! I think he must have been drunk again. Ha. Weird, huh.
If there is a way for him to leave, them I know you will make that happen. Can you get assistance on your bills so he can leave the house for good?
We know that God has you in the palm of His hand and He is not taken by surprise by any of this. You are loved by so many. I am sorry you are hurt by his actions and thoughtlessness. But his nonsense is not a reflection of your self-worth. You are amazing.
Its possible he has love for you, but its also possible he lies a lot, especially to himself. Maybe to cover up his own wrong doing. Who knows? Only God.
You can get through this. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLIMLILA 1/31/2012 12:29AM

    So it;s not just me.. read my blog from yesterday, I bared my soul there... And if I wasn't on the inside I too would just say , Kick Him Out! But I know how complicated some of these things can be.... I hope you can keep up your good spirits, you have the right attitude..... and you are a valuable, worthwhile person all by yourself!!! emoticon emoticon

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