Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sorry, I don't really have any where else to rant about what's on my mind...so here goes.
I don't understand how a man who spent the last six years in his bedroom, not spending any time with his wife and kids, always saying he is a loner and can't deal with relationships can be divorced less then two weeks and suddenly have time to spend with his girlfriend. Time to work on a relationship with someone else.
My ex always said he was too tired and stressed to put any energy into our family. He always told me he should never have gotten married and had kids. He was a loner. He always told me how wonderful I am. He always told me that he's never met a woman as amazing as me (he last said that about three weeks ago.) He always told me he loved me, but he just couldn't deal with relationships.
Less than two week after the divorce was finalized he started spending a few nights a week out of the house. Oh, let me add some details here...due to very low income we still live in the same TINY house. (I'm working hard to change this.) He's got a girlfriend. He has time to spend hours with her and she has kids. How is that?
I just don't understand. Normally the fact that he never gave me and his kids any time and the fact he has time for his girlfriend, it would have made me feel like I wasn't valuable...like I wasn't worth his time and effort. But, thank the Lord that is changing! Those thoughts come into my head, but they quickly find their way back out. I just don't understand the logic.
It's really hard since I still live in the same home with my ex-husband. Especially since he has a girlfriend, and with him still telling me many days that he loves me!
I've been a stay-at-home mom for 19 years. It was his wishes when we got married that I would stay home the kids. He felt it was right and he didn't want me in the work environment...because I might meet someone else. But, now I'm working towards some job skills and re-entering the workforce.
I'm finally starting to understand that I don't need anyone. I don't need someone to give me worth. I have value as an individual.