Fear of the unknown
Saturday, January 28, 2012
About a year ago, I applied for an assistance dog to help with my disability. Well, I just found out that I report to team training February 20, and though I am excited, I'm also petrified. I have been making life a living hell for everyone the past week.
I am pasting here my note of apology:
My apologies for the way I've been acting.
This is not meant to excuse my actions (there is no excuse), but to
give you a little insight as to where I am right now.
The idea of team training makes me incredibly scared. Not only because
it means meeting and interacting with new people, which has never been
my favorite thing, but my biggest fear is...failure. Losing the money
that has been contributed on my behalf. Training will be difficult,
and if they decide I can't graduate I will have to return here, to
people who have been eagerly anticipating the dog's arrival, to
questions...if I come home without the dog, people will know I have
failed, that it's my fault.
I see the dog as my last chance at happiness. I've seen so much
unhappiness in my life-unsuccessful relationships, loss, pain. The
possibility of the dog is my last shot. And if things don't work out,
well, I'm not sure what will happen.
I will do my best to interact with everyone as little as possible over
the next month. It's safer for everyone that way.
I hope you can forgive me.
Any support or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks