Failure Has a Voice...and It Whispers in My Ear
Friday, January 27, 2012
Do you ever feel like every time you get back on track and start making progress that something comes along and knocks you off course? And in those moments, there is that little voice that comes and whispers in your ear, "Just take it easy...don't be so strict on yourself...you have enough going on...you don't need to be worrying about what you eat too..." That's the voice of failure. It is strong and persistent and will try to bring you down in your weakest moments.
That voice came to me the week before last as I sat in the emergency room liatening to the doctor tell me that I had dislocated my SI joint and that my workout routine would be sidelined for quite some time. See, that Monday was my first day back to working out since having the baby. I did three miles with Leslie Sandsone and was feeling really good about it. I wasn't able to work out during my pregnancy due to some joint problems-such as they wouldn't stay in place, so I felt pretty good about making it through without having to stop and quite honestly without feeling too awfully tired. The next day I'd had a really long day and was extremely tired but I had still made the commitment to myself and did 20 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus. By Wednesday I was having some mild back pain and decided I might have overdone it a bit so I took that day off to rest. Thursday morning I woke up with quite a bit more discomfort which seemed to worsen as the day went on. By 3:00 that afternoon I was in a LOT of pain. At around 4:30 I went to lay the baby in his crib and as I lowered him down something popped in my lower back and my hands opened up involuntarily and I dropped him. Not to worry, he was only about 5 inches from the crib mattress and was unharmed-I on the other hand, was suddenly in intolerable pain. I couldn't move.
Fortuntely my mom was there and about 3 hours later when I realized this horrible pain wasn't getting any better, she took me to the ER. As the doctor explained what he saw on my x-ray, I almost didn't even hear him over the loud voice of failure, "That's ok...you have a new baby-you don't have time to workout anyway. In fact, maybe you should just delay getting back on track...I mean what good is eating well going to do when you can't work out? Besides, you're married now and he loves you like you are-you don't need to change." Yes, my failure's voice is very convincing.
I listened to the voice and weighed what it had to say before deciding it was dead wrong! Just because the voice of failure was speaking to me didn't mean that I was a failure. I decided right then and there to do what it took to get well and BE well. Not being able to workout only means that I'll be slightly delayed in regaining the fitness level I had pre-baby. It doesn't mean I can't lose weight or continue to be a good example and help for my husband who is trying so hard to lose weight as well.
Because I had my own voice and didn't allow failure to be my voice, I now have something I'm really proud of to show for it...I have lost 11 pounds. That's 11 without a workout-just by eating a good healthy diet and making good choices. With my doctors encouragement, I made the decision to go to physical therapy so that I can recover the right way and feel confident in my body again. I'm making really good progress and can now bend and move without pain. I'm doing some small workouts at physical therapy-work in the pool, the exercise bike, and some weights. I told them my goal is to run again and they told me I'd be running there on the treadmill by the end of my treatment. Despite beind told it would be a long recovery and I probably wouldn't be able to do any physical activity for a month or better, I haven't had a pain pill in a week and have been walking and lifting pain free. All of this, because I didn't listen to the voice of failure.
I believe we all have a voice of failure and it tells each of us different things. it knows you well and says all the right things. Regardless of what it tells you, don't listen. Be your own voice...which you can call SUCCESS.