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Halfway! A story with pictures.

Friday, January 27, 2012

I think it is time to write a blog that makes me uncomfterable. For many years I have gained and lost the same 50 pounds or so. I had an eating disorder. I did the atkins diet. I did the anti candida diet. I juiced. And after, I gained the weight back. For most of these journeys, exersize only played a very small amount, but over the past year I did 4 monthsof bootcamps in the mornings, started taking classes at 24 hour fitness, started a fitness challenge that involves 5 days of cardio and circuit training, and I'm eating clean about 95% of the time.

Its hard to celebrate the little victories along the way, because I'm always afraid I will go back to being that person I was before. Food is still an outlet sometimes, but nothing like it was. I have confidence now. I feel good in my skin. My body can do more then I thought. Sometime last year I gave away all of my "fat" clothes. My 18's and 16s and some of my 14s. I had just started buying 12's.I had kept them for years-- just "in case" I needed them. I no longer want to save anythign for an "in case." A few months ago I slowly began getting rid of the 14's as well. The past few weeks I have been buying 10's and a few 8's ( that stretch.) I know a number is just a number, but its a number that feels good. It feels amazing to simply pick out clothes without worrying if the store will carry my size. It feels good to have choices in what I where and how I present myself to the world. The getting rid of the clothes was symbolic-- saying-- I am not going back to this. I am not going back here.

And because of that, I want to post some pictures.

Here is me before I started my hopefully final journey.

This is back in 2004. My father had died. My world was crumbling, and so I ate.
This is me with a friend at a dance. I was probably at my high of 233.

A friend took this photo in new orleans on a trip in a hotel room. He said "show me your sexy face." I felt that I was while I took the photo. When I got this picture, later, I realized that I had been seeing myself differently on the inside then others saw on the outside.

This photo is of a final banquet with my college group of friends. I couldnt ifnd a dress that fit,and went with all black pants and top, hoping it was slimming, but it wasn't. I remember looking at my friends, thinking how beautiful they were, and realizing something had to change.

Fast forward to now. Its later, like 8 years later. The weight fell off slowly. From 233 to 205 when I moved back home to texas. From 205 to 183 where I stayed round a bouts till this year. Now I am at 170, with the 60's in the distance, and a home stretch ( hopefully till I reach my goal of 135 ish. And do it the right way this time.

Here is me, posing in a mirror, more to go but I am getting there.

Here is me and my boyfriend, on this journey with me. Christmas, this year.

I will not go backwards. Only forward. Knock wood, of course.

I need to give thanks to the me in 2004 that didn't think I ever could escape out of the body or life I was trapped in. You've come a long way, kid. We can dothe rest of this journey together.

love, Susie
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So wonderful to read about your changes and your increasing confidence. Go YOU! I think it is a great idea to celebrate yourself today.
    2211 days ago
    You are doing great. Keep up the great work. The pictures show the results of your hard work. Spark on!
    2212 days ago
    You look so good - keep up the good work. It has clicked for you and that is a blessing.
    2213 days ago
    You can do it!! Congrats!! You should be very proud of yourself!! You have come so far. Only you can do it and we'll hunny your doing it.
    2213 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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