90 year old mom

Thursday, January 26, 2012

My mom called me this am at 6:00. I was too asleep to anwser the phone. She and I and my brother had a falling out about 1 month ago. My brother is mean and abusive and I was hurt because she didn't defend me. She aske me to leave her house. Her mind has always been sharp as a tack. Well I finally spoke to her today. She has no memory of the incidence. She told me how weak she is and that she feels this is the end. My brother and family are living with her right now. I stayed with her for 5 years and burned out. I refuse to go over there as long as my brother is there. He grabbed my arm and draged me out of the house. I am in a quandry. I knows she needs and wants me but I have been verbally and physically abused by my brother since I was a little girl. I just will not tolerate it anymore. I think he needs to feel what it is like to care for her without me. My mother wants me to forgive but forgiveness doesn't mean you forget. His wife posted on facebook that I am trying to kill my mom. I did not respond. I have been getting calls from many family members because everyone knows she is closest to me. There is so much more involed. I need feedback. I want to show I am not that weak little girl anymore. He has taken over all of her finances and her homes. I have no say in anything. She had an open rental and he would not let me rent it. I went to an apartment for the first time in my life and was assaulted. I am just venting.......thak you for reading. I just want to stuff my face with food.
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  • FREEME1980
    Don't go alone. Agree to visit with your mother but without your brothers presence. He doesn't need to be standing over you when you're spending time with your mother. Say everything you need to say to her. Bring her lunch and have lunch with her. Spend quality time. If you brother says anything to you just ignore and let who ever is there with you to address him. If he places his hands on you, call the police and have him arrested. That will send the message that you will no longer take his abuse and he will have to back off. Wish I could be there with you, I may be short but I have a lot of spunk!
    2188 days ago
    I agree. If you can find it within yourself to go over, take someone with you or find a neutral place for someone to bring her to you. You are right...we don't forget even when we forgive. You can't put yourself in harms way. Hugs!!!
    2189 days ago
    This is an awful situation. Your mom is 90, and you won't have many more years to spend time with her. It would be an awful shame for your brother to deprive you of enjoying your mom's last days.

    On the other hand, after a lifetime of verbal and physical abuse at his hands, I can certainly appreciate your not wanting to subject yourself to that anymore.

    I like SHUTRBUG's suggestion to take someone with you---other family members for instance...and they can run interference with your brother while you have some quality one-on-one visiting time with your mom.
    2189 days ago
    I am so sorry you are going through this. You have the right to see your mom without your brother or other abusive people around. Would your mom tell him he has to leave while you visit? Can you ask a friend (preferably a big, strong one) to go with you? I wonder what would happen if you asked a police officer to go with you to do a welfare check on your mom?

    Would some of the family members who have been calling you be willing to go with you in a group to see your mom?

    I know it has to be so hard, but I hope you find a way. My mom died when she was 55, and I would give anything to have just one more visit with her. I think its best to do what you have to do now, and live without regret later.

    Good luck to you, dear.
    2189 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/26/2012 7:45:31 PM
    Wow- that is an awful thing to have to go through! Is there a way that you may be able to see your mom without having to see your brother? Is his wife nice? Maybe she could help arrange a meeting without him!? While I don't have much advice, I hope you find the answers that your looking for. emoticon
    2189 days ago
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