I have always struggled with body image to some degree (as a lot of us do), but it’s become increasingly more since becoming a plus size gal. And as I’ve ventured into my mid 40s, some subtle signs of age have added to the situation. BUT…there has always been one feature I’ve felt good about no matter my size – my hair - a feature that I’ve held onto as a positive and said “well, at least my hair still looks good”. Can you relate? Do you have that one feature that makes you feel good no matter your size? Or maybe you’ve accepted your entire body as is and to you I say “WTG!” I applaud and admire you truly, because I have not gotten to the place of acceptance which I so desperately need to do. I think once I can accept where I am with my body then I can truly move forward instead of feeling in limbo all the time.

Anywho, the reason I write that “I’ve lost it” is because that one feature that I’ve always felt good about is gone. Not literally (thank you God), but after having a fabulous cut in May of last year my hair has slowly but surely gone down hill. “I’ve lost that loving feeling….” – that dates me doesn’t it? lol I don’t know if it’s the cut, some blasted hormonal change or what, but it’s no longer something I hold on to as a positive. It just won’t cooperate any more, I try curling it, straightening it, blowing it dry and using hair product….it doesn’t seem to matter, it won’t do what I want it to or what it used to do. I don’t understand why it’s happened, I mean my hair has ALWAYS been my thing, the thing that people comment on and wish they had nice thick hair like mine, etc., but everything happens for a reason. It’s like other things in my life that I’ve held onto – it’s been stripped away. It’s depressing and sobering at the same time. It’s like I’m being forced into acceptance….by stripping away the very last piece of what I liked about my body causing me to hit a body image bottom – funny how that works isn’t it? Many times it takes hitting some type of bottom unfortunately before we can go back up. But I seem to be fighting it. Why? Don’t know. So where does that leave me….wallowing in the pit wondering what it’s going to take for me to look up into the light of where I really want and am meant to be, but feeling powerless to get there.

I realize this is trivial compared to some struggles and believe me I’ve had way worse struggles, but my weight and body image seem to be a battle I just can’t get a grip on. It is the MOST difficult and frustrating long term battle I’ve ever had. It wears me out to the point of wanting to quit. But I’ve even tried that before….quitting to win…..but where that got me was 10 pounds heavier! UGH.

I hate to sound negative, I really do and I don’t really know where I’m going all with this….just throwing it out there I guess. It’s just where I am, but not where I want to be.