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Niggling Fear


Thursday, January 26, 2012

Well, year 2011 with SparkPeople was nothing short of miraculous. I lost 70 pounds between Cinco de Mayo (no particular significance to that date, except I like to say "Cinco de Mayo") and the end of the year. Thank you Lord for your love and direction in my life!

I didn't exercise during that time, and with the start of 2012, I'm starting to kick in with exercise. Now that I am working from home, I'm able to use my break time to do brisk walking, throwing in some 5 pound hand weights and doing curls, etc. In just the past 2 weeks I've already noticed a difference in the tone of my arms and legs, which is encouraging! I'm also hungrier, sometimes ravenous... and need to think of some healthy snacks to add to my 5 small meals per day.

I know with the change in my work office from "work" to "home", there have already been BIG changes in my life, and more are on the horizon. Me and my son will be selling our home and re-locating sometime within this year, and that is causing no small stir for him, and for me. I'm working on "staging" the house before listing it, boxing up excess items and personal stuff that the HGTV experts say should be put away so potential buyers can visualize their own stuff in the space. It would be accurate to say we are "in transition".

Along with all of this, mostly positive changes going on, I'm starting to sense a niggling fear. Each morning when I step on the scale and see my "new" weight, I'm starting to get nervous. I'm about 20 pounds from my goal, certainly cause for much celebration and motivation to KEEP GOING, right? Yes! .... and no. I've put my finger on the fact that this fear/nervousness/doubt is really the fear of "What will I have to live for after I meet this goal?"

I've been so focused these many months and now I'm almost there... I'm almost AFRAID to get there! Silly, but so ME, and so HUMAN. It's hard to admit that.

So what do I do now? I think it's time to set more goals and keep pushing ahead.

I'm looking up the song by Selah, called Press On. If you haven't heard it, it's WORTH the listen!
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