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    GRANDCRACKER   21,092
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when its time to take a step back and look


Thursday, January 26, 2012

THERE CAME A TIME WHERE I HAD TO STEP BACK AND SEE. WHAT I MEAN IS. THERE IS A TIME WHEN YOU NEED TO TAKE ME TIME. THINGS IN MY LIFE WERE GETTING OUT OF CONTROL. SO I HAD TO STOP AND SEE WHAT CAN BE DONE.

WELL THERE IS SOME THINGS YOU DON;T HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THE OTHER PERSON. BUT YOU CAN;T HELP OTHERS IF THEY DON;T WANT ANY HELP.SO I HAD TO DECIDE IF I SHOULD WALK AWAY. OR TRY ONE MORE TIME.

SO WHAT I DID WAS ; I TOLD THIS PERSON I LOVE YOU. BUT I WON;T STAND BY AND WATCH YOU KILL YOURSELF. IF YOU WANT HELP I HELP YOU GET HELP.WELL AT FIRST I WAS CALLED EVERY DIRTY NAME IN THE BOOK. AND PROBLEY THEM SOME.WELL A FAMILY MEMBER DIED.

THAT'S WHAT GOT THIS PERSON TO ASK FOR HELP. BECAUSE I WAS SITTING AT THE CONPUTOR. LOOKING AT PICTURE OF THE DEAD FAMILY MEMBER. WITH TEARS RUNNING DOWN MY FACE.WHEN THIS PERSON WALKED IN THE ROOM; AND SEEM ME CRYING MY EYES OUT. THEY ASKED ME WHAT IS WRONG. I TOLD THEM THEIR FAMILY MEMBER JUST PASSED AWAY.

BUT THAT WASN;T WHAT WAS MAKING ME CRY. INSTEAD OF SEEING THE FAMILY MEMBER FACE. I WAS SEEING THIS PERSON WHO NEEDED THE HELP. WHEN THEY SEEN HOW MUCH PAIN I WAS GOING THRU. SO THEY ASKED ME AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS TO PLEASE HELP THEM GET HELP.

DON;T GET ME WRONG. DURING THEIR HELP TIME. THERE WAS SOME NAME CALLING. BUT WE DIDN;T TURN OUR BACKS ON HIM.I HAPPY TO SAY THE;VE BEEN CLEAN NOW FOR 3 MONTHS ALMOST 4.THIS PERSON HAD QUIT GOING TO FRIENDS. WELL WHAT THEY CALLED FRIENDS. HE SEE;S NOW THEY REALLY WEREN;T HIS TRUE FRIENDS. WHEN THEY SEEN HE WOULDN;T GO WITH THEM AND PARTY ANYMORE./ THEY JUST QUIT COMING AROUND.

NOW WERE WORKING ON HEALING. TRYING NOT TO REMEMBER ALL THE BAD TIMES. BECAUSE BEFORE ALL THE TROUBLE . WE WERE TRUE FRIENDS.WHEN HE SEEN I DIDN;T GIVE UP ON THEM.THAT MY LOVE WAS STRONG.


BUT THE REAL REASON IS I PRAYED TO GOD. TO HELP ME DECIDE WHAT TO DO. ALL I DID WAS WHAT GOD WANTED ME TO DO.IF ANYTHING OUR FAITH IS STRONGER.IF ALL ELSE FAILS TURN TO GOD.


I ALSO HAVE A NEW GRANDSON. ALTHOUGH I HAVEN;T SEEN HIM. HE WAS BORN A FEW DAYS BEFORE THANKSGIVING.HE LIVES IN OREGON. AND I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA..AT FIRST I WAS TO SICK TO SEE HIM. BECAUSE HE WAS BORN 2 MONTHS TO EARLY. HE ONLY WEIGHTED 4 LBS, HE WAS A LITTLE GUY. PLUS IT WAS TOUCH AND GO WITH HIM FOR A WHILE. BUT THE LITTLE GUY IS A FIGHTER. SO HE;S DOING GOOD. AT LEAST ONE OF MY DAUGHTERS TELL ME.
WHY WE DON;T SEE HIM IS. I;M AFRAID IF WE GO SEE HIM . THE PERSON I HELPED WILL FALL BACK .SO WE STAY AWAY FROM ALL TEMPTATION.BUT MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER IS REALLY UPSET WITH ME.
PLUS PART OF THE PROBLEM WAS. THIS PERSON PUT US IN A WHOLE LOT OF DEBT. IT HAS TAKEN ME ALL THIS TIME JUST TO SEE DAY LIGHT.
IF THIS MAKES ME A BAD GRANDMA. I JUST PRAY MY GRANDSON WILL UNDER STAND THAT I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. I WAS ILL FOR 2 MONTHS, THE DOCTOR PUT ME ON 9 DIFFERENT ANTIBIOTICS BEFORE HE FOUND THE RIGHT ONE.

NOW I;M DEALING WITH MY BI-POLAR. I;M IN THE STAGE WHERE I CAN;T SLEEP. AND IF I DO FALL ASLEEP. ITS ONLY FOR A FEW HOURS THAN I;M UP AGAIN.MY HUSBAND CAN;T UNDER STAND HOW I STAY UP LIKE I DO. I;VE TALKED TO MY DOCTOR. BUT THERE ISN;T REALLY ANY MEDS TO HELP ME. BECAUSE I;M ALLERGIC TO SO MANY OF THEM.

I STAY ON MY CONPUTOR A LOT. BEEN PLAYING GAMES MOSTLY. DURING THE DAY I TRY TO GO FOR WALKS. WHEN THE WEATHER PERMITS IT. I HAVEN;T LOSS ANY WEIGHT, IF ANY THING I;VE GAINED BACK 5LBS. BUT I;M NOT COMPLAINING. BECAUSE THAT REALLY ISN;T TO BAD.

BEEN WORRIED ABOUT THE FAMILY MEMBERS DAUGHTER . THE ONE THAT PASSED AWAY. SHE;S BEEN ON FACEBOOK. TALKING ABOUT SOME REALLY DARK STUFF. WE;VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HER TO REACH OUT FOR HELP. BUT SHE WON;T. SO I;M TURNING IT OVER TO GOD. I JUST PRAY IT WON;T BE TO LATE;

I WANT TO THANK YOU . FOR LETTING ME GET ALL THIS OFF MY CHEST.I;VE BEEN KEEPING ALL THIS IN FOR OVER A YEAR.

SO MY GOAL FOR THIS YEAR IS TO WORK ON MY MENTAL STATUS. AND NOT WORRY ABOUT MY WEIGHT. I THINK YOU NEED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. OR ALL THIS WOULD BE FORE NOTHING.

SO IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE YOU LOVE. WHO HAS LOST THEIR WAY. DON;T GIVE UP ON THEM. JUST BE THERE FOR THEM TO HELP THEM COME BACK HOME.
I;M NOT SAYING HELP THEM DESTROY THEMSELF. BUT LOVE THEM. I HAD TO CUT THE PURSE TRINGS AND SAY NO MORE.
BUT TODAY ITS ALL OK. I;M ALMOST ALL CAUGHT UP. BY NEXY PAYDAY I WILL BE OUT OF DEBT.

AND I GIVE GOD ALL THE GLORY. AND THE TOOLS I LEARN FROM HERE TO KEEP MY SANTIE.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SUCCESS44 2/29/2012 3:45PM

    You are a strong woman, and your faith in God is strong. You will know the path to take, he will lead you.

I will pray for you and that you get to see your grandson soon, once you are well enough to travel...

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NATPLUMMER 1/26/2012 12:19PM

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KKKAREN 1/26/2012 9:08AM

    We're here for you!!

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