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Finding my way back!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Last year, I found myself accomplishing the immposible-I lost 60lbs.! I was watching what I ate, drinking my water and faithfully exercising every day. (and actually looking forward to my workouts) I was losing weight, toning muscle and feeling great about myself. I had gained so much self confidence and was so grateful for all of the encouraging compliments I was getting from those around me who were also seeing my changes. Most of all I was proud of myself. I actually stopped to think before I just reached for candy or some other delicious yet very unhealthy temptation and had the will power to say NO! Even when my husband would come home with a WaWa breakfast sandwich, I politely declined and happily ate my hot oatmeal and cup of coffee. I was really proud when my kids started seeing the changes I was making and telling me how proud they were of me that I was exercising every day and saying "Mom, you look great, I'm proud of you!". After all, my main reason for wanting to change my ways in the first place was to set a better example for my kids and to make sure that I would be around for them as long as possible. My husband always encouraged me to exercise whenever I needed and would offer to keep the kids busy when need be. I would hear about people losing all this weight and gaining it back and think to myself-how? why? I couldn't understand how someone could do all that work and acomplish so much, just to let it all go! Then it happened! That thing called Life got in my way. And in typical mommy fashion-summer ended, school started back up- I started putting myself last. I have three small kids, all in school. The homework and projects and daily insanity that is my life all started to creep up on me. There never seemed to be enough hours in the day to get anything done. I was so exhausted at the end of the day, that I would just crash. I have never been a morning person, so AM workouts were out of the question. Then my two hours of alone time in the afternoons soon became my 'catch-up' time. My time to get laundry, cleaning and that night's dinner ready. Slowly I found my workouts decreasing to twice a week until finally none! Then before I knew it, it was Christmas. My days got even more hectic and was still putting my well being last. I'll get back on track next week was my 4 month long mantra! I had also been avoinding the scale at all cost. I just figured that I would be ok. Soon after the holidays, I jumped on the scale and wanted to faint when I saw the numbers going up! I had gained back 20 of the 60lbs. I had worked SO HARD to lose! I thought that was my wake up moment-but it wasn't. I kept putting it off and putting myself last. Last week, I noticed that my pants-which before were loose-are tight and the dreaded muffin top was back. Along with my poor self-esteem and some long forgotten knee pain! My 31st birthday is this Saturday and I am DETERMINED to find my way back to ME! The person I had become and was proud of. The mom who didn't feel guilty about saying to her family-I will help you with whatever you need, but FIRST I have to have an hour to myself. I need to get back to the person who didn't feel bad for taking 30mins of her day to exercise or to read a book! It's so easy to lose yourself in your family. But at the end of the day, what kind of wife/mom am I if I do not love myself?! So starting tomorrow, I am taking my first step towards getting back to me! I will never be so naive as to think that this could never happen again. This is something I will have to work at forever. It can happen to any one of us. And if it does, don't beat yourself up, don't give up- Just get up ! Pick yourself back up. I know what I am capable of. I know I can still reach my goals. I also know that my kids will not hate me for taking time for myself to exercise ;) Here's to a healthy and happy new year!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Welcome back Sarah. It sounds like you have a plan in place once more and that is your first step. Many of us yo yo back and forth on our journey. The best thing to do is brush yourself off, get started back into a routine and forget about what happened and take one day at a time looking forward, not backwards. Those were stepping stones to your new future of being healthy once more. emoticon Donna
    2248 days ago
    Welcome back girl! I'm sorry you've been having trouble lately finding time for yourself, but you're absolutely right, that to be a well balanced human and mom you need to take some time out for YOU!! And your kids wont suffer for it! If anything they'll become stronger individuals for it and you will be an inspiration and a role model for them!!!

    Your kids are older, do you guys ever go on walks/hikes together? I know that as the winter is fading away from us, I am REARING to get myself and my kiddo outside and in nature to burn some extra calories! Family fitness is awesome!

    Coming back to spark will help loads, and I'm glad to have you back here!!! I think that you'll find it will be easier to lose those 20lbs than it was the first time because now you have all the proper tools and you KNOW what to do! It's all about dedication and taking those small steps every day and staying consistent! You've got this girl!!! We're all here for you!!!
    2249 days ago
    You wrote just what I needed to read!!! After not logging on here for 106 days and not taking care of myself I was at the point that I felt why bother. But because I was unable to sleep I decided to log on and take a look?? Yours was the very first blog post I saw!!! Thanks so much for giving me some motivation to jump back on this wagon train and know that I too CAN ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS!!
    You are awesome!! Thanks again.
    2249 days ago
    You've got this!!!! And, welcome back! :)You can and WILL do this. You are going to be successful, and I am positive that your family is STILL proud of the changes that you made. You are a detrimental part of the family, congratulations on putting yourself at the top of your priority list.
    2249 days ago
  • SARAH25
    Thanks soo much! I was also avoiding Sparkpeople-ashamed of my downward spiral. I feel better getting it all out and you just reminded me why I love Sparkpeople so much! ;)
    2249 days ago
    Sarah, I loved reading your blog. Determination just spilled out all over it. You have a lucky family because they are going to be blessed over and over while you journey back to being the healthy person you are meant to be.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2249 days ago
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