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    JBLAISDELL   16,888
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Trying to swim more often than sink

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

So I made it through the holiday season mostly keeping my head just below the surface. Not exactly sinking but definitely not swimming. Mostly doing a lousy job of treading water. I gained weight, lost it within a week, had another bad bout, lost that weight and now I'm on a downward trend with my scale (I lost 2 more new pound, not the same ones over and over). So why to I keep binging for the last two nights. Well to be fair anytime I have free time at home I'm binge eating.

My first instinct is to say boredom because 9 times out of 10 if I'm binge eating, it's because I'm bored. I know I should get up and move my body or do something to stop myself but it's like taking a drug, the first few minutes it feels so good then you start to realize that it was a really bad idea that you shouldn't have acted on, but by then, it's too late.

I need to mentally shake myself when I start getting that desire and do something active to keep my mind off of what particular food is calling to me at that moment. I found out through genetic testing that I have something called dis-associative eating. That means food really does call out to me if I've seen it and I really have to fight to not go, get it and eat it. Since I am the only one eating clean in my family, there is TONS of stuff in my home I should not be seeing let alone eating. But my family's gotta live too.

I am stronger than this and maybe I need to get tough with my family and say, it has to go or hide it if at all possible. And no more watching tv for me for a while, at least until I can get a grip. Besides there is plenty to occupy my time without sitting like a lump. I think I'm going to try to schedule my home time, at least for a while until I can get out of this bad habit and intrenched in the new good one.

Anyway, I am proud to say that I've made it past the 4 months I usually do before I cave and go back to my wicked, wicked ways and have kept on going. I pick myself up every day and start again and eventually I'll lose the weight I need to, then it will be keeping myself from binge eating it back on. Self awareness is half the problem, working to fix the problem is the other half. And like most things, success starts with your getting your head on straight, the rest generally falls into place.
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