Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I love to journal, I have a ton of them. Leather bound with beautiful designs, pieces of art really. I don't so much love to blog though. The reason is that when you blog, there is the possibility that others may see what you have written. In blogging I am baring myself to be ridiculed, laughed at, and seen as ridiculous. I may Be ridiculous, but just would rather not others know about it.
So I have been reading others blog post and seen such courage from everyone, that even though I never intended to blog, here I am writing public confessions. Confession: I did not post a picture because I am so ashamed to let others see it. I know how big I am, know it's my own fault I look that way, and for your information I actually have not allowed my photo to be taken in years. Not by family, not anyone. I don't want a personal record of what I have done to myself. I am not proud of it.
But you see, I am reading through the blogs of others and I see all these amazing people posting their before and after photos and it inspired me to be a little less selfish. Yes I can prevent others from ever seeing on line an example of what I have allowed myself to become, but then it really is just about me isn't it? Me protecting myself from embarrassment. I received so much encouragement from those photos! I see them and say, there is hope for me too! Maybe posting my photo or writing my thoughts is not so much about me, but about how it can encourage others.
So I will try and post a photo. I will write my thoughts. But may I ask to please be kind and realize I am just a silly girl who made some mistakes and is paying for them but trying to remedy them at the same time?
That said here is my little celebration for my first week I actually lost a little more than four pounds, I think. Which is a yay! Sad news is I did submit to an urge to binge a couple days ago so could have been better. I find I do better if I eat a later breakfast, lunch and then still have calories to burn later in the day. I know that goes against what you are supposed to do by eating your bigger meal earlier in the day but I tried that and ended up so hungry at night I binged. I can handle hunger earlier in the day but not at night. So maybe I am just weird, if it works, it works, so I will stick with it.