Monday, January 23, 2012
I have spent my entire life being a people pleaser. I did everything I could to make sure everyone around me is happy...everyone except myself. As I felt that I didn't do enough to make others happy, or it wasn't appreciated, I would get depressed, and would eat. I just didn't care about myself. I didn't like the person who I was, and therefore it reflected off of me. I don't feel beautiful, and I want to make sure that I SEE MYSELF as beautiful. I understand that beauty isn't just about being thin, but I want to see myself as healthy. I don't think beautiful is sitting on the couch, stuffing chips ahoy in your mouth crying over how you are single when you don't put yourself out there as a confident person. I've noticed just in the past few weeks that I've felt more confident in myself, and am working on ME, that I'm getting a positive response just in how people talk to me. I'm such a social person, so I need to put that confidence in my social interactions. I'm not asking to be a size 0, I know with my bone structure, that that is probably not a possibility, but I don't want to be. I just want to get down to a size where I am not restricted to shopping at Lane Bryant or Torrid because I simply can't find stylish clothes in my size. I'm 26, I want to be down to a reasonable weight by the time I turn 30. I know that if I keep my mind to it, I can definitely lose it before then, I just have to stay focused. And I have to also learn how to tell others NO. Its not all about them, this life is about me too.