So lately I havent been myself. I've gained weight from taking Prednisone and have been trying to work it off--mostly by shoveling snow for the last week (@ home and @ work). My RA has been flaring pretty bad for the last few weeks and my depression has set in (which is usual for this time of year due to the anniversary dates of my mom's and my brother's passing away). I'm also in the process of quitting smoking , so that has led to additional weight gain and I'm almost to my all time highest weight again. I've been sleeping alot when I'm not working. This has been my coping mechanism for awhile now........

So today my sister and brother and their kids invited me to go sledding It took a little bit of self talk to convince myself to go--I didnt want to miss the opportunity to spend time with my family. Although, I had no intention of sledding--this hill had a pretty good slope to it. I thought I would visit with the family as the kids were sledding. The cold air felt good and it was great to be with everyone. Two of my cousins and their daughters also showed up, so that was an extra treat.....

Then it happened. One of my younger nieces wanted to be a "big girl" and go down the hill by herself. She did surprisingly well..at first. Everyone was visiting and watching the kids, and my "big girl" went down the hill and ending up sledding right towards a snow bank that was piled next to a rail (that was near some steps that the sledders used to get back up to go again). She had a lot of speed when she hit the rail and she flew in the air.

I didnt even see her hit the ground because before I knew it I was running towards her. My body just reacted. I gained enough momentum to slide down the hill on my butt to reach my niece faster. Thank goodness she was alright. She was mostly scared. She hit the rail with her leg and it was sore and bruised, but all things considered, it could have been a lot worse. When I reached her, she was shocked and holding her breath. Her mom was right by my side telling her to breathe--when she finally caught her breath she said, "I dont wanna sled anymore, can we go home?" My poor sweetheart--she handled the situation like a big girl and I'm so proud of her--my little extreme sledder.

So, after that my sister and I decided it was time to go. (my sister and the kids spend the weekends with me) We went back to my house and checked out my niece a little better. We agreed to wait a little while and see how she felt before taking her to the hospital. While we waited, I put in a movie and made some hot cocoa. Fast forward a couple hours and she's back to running and jumping and her usual happy self.

Relief. Not just that my niece wasnt injured, but also in myself. Relief that I can trust my body in an emergency. Trust that I can rely on my body when it counts. Although my RA is flaring, I have a bum left knee (from an ACL tear from a basketball injury years ago), in addition to my obesity--I did it. I made it to my niece (faster than my younger, svelte sister). I'm sure it was adrenaline that got me to her so fast--I still did it Although I feel at my (almost) worst--I did my best when it was needed. For me, this was an awakening. I can feel my inner spark growing stronger. I'm feeling a little more like my usual self.

I didnt realize that I didnt believe in myself until tonight. But I realized that my weight isnt as much a barrier as I originally thought it was. That my RA isnt as big a disability as I thought it was. I realized that I CAN DO IT! To my fellow sparkers out there--thanks for believing in me even when I didn't. Your support is what has gotten me though the tough times but it's a new day. It's a new NANT406.

It's NANT406v.2 I'm inspired. I CAN DO IT!

The aftermath is that the adrenaline has worn off and I'm VERY sore now. I'm moving pretty slow but the relief is still there. The belief is still there.