Literally howling outside, even the dog is restless and disturbed. I wanted to go to the drive-in tonight but the weather gods aren't on our side. It has been pouring rain most of the day. It was dreadful on my drive home tonight.

I was just reading Spark People motivational pages. I saw page after page after page of "I can" people and feel inspired, well - lubricated with lifestyle change enthusiasm. I admit - I said diet first instead of lifestyle. Sue me.

I want a miracle about now. I want the cravings and need to stop. I absent-mindedly eat sometimes. Mindfulness is present in a negative way. I have to make a decision to "go and buy the licorice." And I did buy it at Best Buy. No, wasn't all that hungry. It was there, it was sugar and I just bought it.

Speaking of mindfulness, couldn't I just be mindful I am not going to buy it/eat it?

I swear, there is some weird little drive that allows me to do it. Kind of like a little force driving me saying its OK, you can eat it. And once I've eaten it, I feel guilty. It is like I'm giving myself permission to kick myself in the ass. Make sense?

Yikes that sounds nuts.