Friday, January 20, 2012
Not that I wanted another video game type of workout... But Jim thought this might be a good buy. It is a decent workout, I will give it that. But I think it will be more frustrating than anything unless I do it with the volume off. Instead of using the Wii controller, it uses a camera to track your moves. Now, as big as I am, I am in pretty good shape and after doing Zumba as long as I have, I am good at keeping pace and following moves. But I kept being told that I wasn't following along, even though I was matching her moves perfectly. I expected to keep being told to watch my arms due to a physical disability, but that was the only area I wasn't getting dinged in. It was a good workout despite the negative feedback from the electronic voice. My legs ache and my shoulders feel it a bit too. Which is nice, since I no longer feel much after most workouts now.
I've given up on the losing weight deal. I hate to say it, but after a breakdown yesterday where I couldn't even put on pants that were loose a few days ago... I feel defeated. My goal is no longer to loose anything. I will continue the diet and daily workouts, but at this point it is just to keep me from sitting on my ass or being in bed in pain all day. These illnesses will not beat me, but they are clearly winning as far as the weight I knew I'd never lose. I hate having that mindframe. But I'd rather just set the goal to stay moving and motivated to stay healthy, rather than keep putting myself through this false hope and then getting upset because the scale goes up and my clothes won't fit, despite my efforts here. I'm going to base my success on how I feel and length between getting sick. Over 2 years of struggling with this weight that these health issues have put on, and all I've managed to do is hate myself for lack of progress. It's no longer about losing weight and beating myself up for not accomplishing that. It is now just about the ability to feel good and not hate myself.
Right now, I've gotten in an hour workout before Kaity has woken up, and I DO feel good. So as far as I'm concerned, that is my success today.