Thursday, January 19, 2012
After work I went to the gym and drove around the parking lot about three times. The first thing I noticed was how crowded it was. I almost couldn't find a parking spot, and then even when I did find a parking spot I was too chicken to park my car and go in. I saw some of the people going in, carrying their duffle bags, looking so thin and muscular etc... and in spite of the big "judgement free zone" sign I still chickened out. It looked busy and I felt very ugly. Never mind fat, never mind old. I didn't go because I felt UGLY. I zeroed in on this immediately even before I left the parking lot. My poor self-esteem is holding me back here. I am just too self-conscious and my anxiety won this battle.