Snow day guilt
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I live in the Pacific Northwest, where snow is general rare. We usually get a a few inches a couple times a year but nothing major. At the moment we have 8 inches, with a good quarter inch of ice on top of it. Not much fun.
I don't drive in snow. Well, I do, but I tend to make myself sick worrying the whole way there and then burst in to tears once I park. It's a phobia that drives me crazy, but it is what it is.
I made it to work yesterday, but today I just could not get myself in to the car. I tried everything I could think of, but the thought of trying to drive through the ice storm caused me to have a panic attack. I emailed work to let them know that I would not be in. The response I got back was that I was the only one who didn't make it, which came off (at least in my head) as "Well, you're the only loser having this problem. Suck it up."
I later found out that two other people did not come in either, so that made me feel a little better. Tomorrow I will be there as I have a ride lined up already. I am dreading going in tomorrow though. I know there will be people upset that I was not there today (how dare I leave them with extra work) and snide "joking" comments about me not making it in. I feel guilty for not going, even though I know that I made the right decision. A person having panic attacks should not be driving under any circumstances, but especially not on an icy road in the middle of freezing rain.
I wish I could overcome my fear. I wish I didn't let people down. I prefer to make everyone happy, and came very close to driving in just so that people wouldn't be mad at me, even at the risk of my own person. Well, I guess I have two problems; driving in the snow and people pleasing. Oh good, something else to work on.