Wednesday, January 18, 2012
For a long time I have thought my beauty was tied to the digits on the scale. If it was a low number I was good and pretty. If the number was high I was fat and ugly and not worthy of your attention. During the last several months as I have trained and completed two half marathons I have struggled with images of success outside what the metal box says. I know by all accounts I am still morbidly obese but how many people even half my size have done two half marathons. I am on the treadmill/road 4-6 days a week, which is more than most people.
I am still working on the acceptance that I am worth more than digits on a box.
I have said that one day I would start to actually jog/run instead of JUST walking. I would do this if I could ONLY drop a few more pounds. I try to explain my being at the back of pack in the races as I JUST walk. I apologize for my time as I ONLY walk.
The last several days I have come across some wonderfully inspirational stories - people who were as big or bigger than me and did not let "JUST" stop them or "ONLY" demean their accomplishments. They went out there and beat the trails despite their size, people's judgments of whether they were whatever enough to do it, they didn't let JUST or ONLY stop them. They simply decided to do it and then did it.
So today I DECIDED AND DID IT. I ran 3 one minute intervals during my treadmill time today. I am not using JUST or ONLY to describe this accomplishment for me. JUST and ONLY reduce what I accomplished. Today, I ran more than I believe I have ever really done before with purpose. I ran for no one but me. I ran to see that I could do it. I ran to start the goal of eventually running one of my half marathons. I do it for me.
Today I banned JUST and ONLY from my vocabulary. They do nothing for me. They demoralize me. They take the celebration out of things I have accomplished.
I am not JUST a half marathoner because I am a MULTI half marathoner.
I am not ONLY a plus size woman because I am a plus size athlete.
I am more than JUST or ONLY.....I AM A WOMAN OF SUCCESS!