For me, this blog is a personal record of the good things I've encountered during my journey. I want a place to record the things I feel good about. This way I can brag a little without annoying my friends, family and co-workers with every little high point of my weight-loss/becoming healthy journey. I can also come back and "relive the moment" whenever I need a little boost. I haven't written an entry lately because I haven't felt like there was anything good to talk about. I've been pretty stuck for the last month. I made a lot of concessions and excuses over the holidays. And, as a result my progress stalled. I didn't track my food every day, I wasn't exercising anymore, I wasn't preparing as many meals at home and I wasn't making the best choices. It's funny how quickly I can revert to the old habits. It is also interesting that I've had such a mental barrier around the weight of 230. Over the years I've lost weight a couple of times, got to 230, reverted back to my old ways, gained it back & added more weight. During my whole journey 230 loomed over me like a impenetrable fortress. I have been so afraid that I wouldn't make it to 230, or I'd just make it but gain the weight back. I find it very interesting that I made it past the dreaded 230 barrier...then stopped. I started to drift back to my old ways again...almost.
Luckily something is different this time. It isn't vanity (wanting to look better/skinnier) fueling my efforts this time. It isn't an intangible idea of possible health problems fueling my efforts this time. It isn't a willingness to please others (my doctor, my mother, my husband, my similarly weight-challenged friends) fueling my efforts this time. This time I am changing my life because of a real and measurable health risk (Diabetes). And moreover, I have changed my life and improved my health already. I refuse to stop, revert back to my old ways and virtually thumb my nose at the improvements I have made in my health. I'm already back on track and expect to see some forward progress on the scale by the end of the week. I'm tracking my food, I'm preparing most meals at home and I'm bringing back the exercise. I will not let some scary wall I created in my head stop me. If I built the wall I can dismantle it and turn it into a road to victory.
The scale is important, especially because the less I weigh, the more efficiently my body can use my insulin, keeping my blood sugars under control. However, it is not the only way to measure my progress. Although I may not have enjoyed seeing weight lost on the scale for about a month, I have had some small victories during that time. I made it through the Holiday season without gaining weight. I shopped at Eddie Bauer (warehouse store...with a coupon) for the first time in my life. Six months ago I wouldn't have been able to wear anything in the store. Today I don't even wear the largest size they carry. I can wear my wedding ring again. I haven't seen that on my finger since before my (8 year old) daughter was born. My blood sugar is normal and I was able to reduce my diabetes medication by half. I also had the confidence to go to a table of complete strangers at my co-worker's wedding and ask to take their picture. (I had guessed that they were my co-worker's friends from out of state and thought she might want their picture.) I painfully shy, so that was a big accomplishment for me.
I do look forward to being able to measure my progress with a smaller number on the scale soon. However, I am still proud of me for what I have accomplished.
Edited to add: I took my measurements today. And, oddly enough I'm 1/2 inch smaller in my hips, waist and thighs (1/4 inch in my arms). I know that the measuring tape will often move when the scale isn't for various reasons, but this was still unexpected because I had not been exercising like I should. Surprising, but I'll take it.