Sunday, January 15, 2012
It's a new year and a way to start over with a clean slate. I'm going to start by laying my cards on the table. Here it goes:
One of the things holding me back is my own confidence - or lack of it. Why do I feel like, no matter what, I'm going to fail? Why do I feel like I'm not worthy?
I've had so many examples of me working and succeeding at my goals. For example, I have a great education. Thanks to my hard work, I was accepted at a great school on a full tuition scholarship. I was incredibly successful at my first job out of school I was a considered a high performer at previous positions. I've completed two marathons. I used to weigh 110 lbs (seriously!) But lately (as in the past five+ years), I feel like I'm just a failure. Why? Why do I feel this way?
I feel like this at work all the time. I feel like I'm going to fail. I look at my colleagues and I'm just as qualified as they are. But my boss yells at me. My colleagues get bonuses and promotions and I get yelled at. And the cycle continues.
And I feel like this emotional weight prevents me from losing the physical weight. I feel terrible, so I'm just physically exhausted so I don't exercise. I'm too tired to make myself some food so I grab the junk food and eat a lot of it. and then I feel bad for doing that. It's the emotional - the feeling like I'm a failure - that's holding me back. It's the chain tying me down.
It's time for me to break free. But I don't know how. And I don't know how to begin. If you're reading this and have some suggestions, please post them here.