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Laying My Cards On The Table

Sunday, January 15, 2012

It's a new year and a way to start over with a clean slate. I'm going to start by laying my cards on the table. Here it goes:

One of the things holding me back is my own confidence - or lack of it. Why do I feel like, no matter what, I'm going to fail? Why do I feel like I'm not worthy?

I've had so many examples of me working and succeeding at my goals. For example, I have a great education. Thanks to my hard work, I was accepted at a great school on a full tuition scholarship. I was incredibly successful at my first job out of school I was a considered a high performer at previous positions. I've completed two marathons. I used to weigh 110 lbs (seriously!) But lately (as in the past five+ years), I feel like I'm just a failure. Why? Why do I feel this way?

I feel like this at work all the time. I feel like I'm going to fail. I look at my colleagues and I'm just as qualified as they are. But my boss yells at me. My colleagues get bonuses and promotions and I get yelled at. And the cycle continues.

And I feel like this emotional weight prevents me from losing the physical weight. I feel terrible, so I'm just physically exhausted so I don't exercise. I'm too tired to make myself some food so I grab the junk food and eat a lot of it. and then I feel bad for doing that. It's the emotional - the feeling like I'm a failure - that's holding me back. It's the chain tying me down.

It's time for me to break free. But I don't know how. And I don't know how to begin. If you're reading this and have some suggestions, please post them here.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks DukeFan and GermanIrisGirl! I appreciate your advice. I hadn't seen it till just now. I think you're both right. I'll try to follow your advice.
    1730 days ago
    I like the idea of consistency that GERMANIRISHGIRL mentioned above. Start small, though, to help shift your self-confidence in the right direction. Some suggestions:

    1) Pick one thing to track for a week. Maybe it's just water that you track, or just fruits and veggies. Once you're ready, build on it.

    2) Get a pedometer, and wear it consistently. Don't judge yourself, just track the numbers and look for ways to increase your daily steps. That's where tips like parking farther away from the store will help.

    3) Work the SparkPoints page. It really is a good way to educate yourself, and earn points in the process. Right now I'm working toward the next trophy, hope to get it by the end of the year. It's not a monetary thing, but I hope it'll pay off in other ways down the road.

    1972 days ago
    Maybe try rewards for yourself. That helps me. The key is consistency. You need to find it, keep it, and don't let it go. Start at the top of the spark points page. I think they are somewhat in order of importance: track food, fitness minutes, goals, learn to cook, read (educate yourself), water, etc...EVERY DAY. Then reward yourself when you do it.

    emoticon emoticon
    1985 days ago
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