Saturday, January 14, 2012
I have written before about the things that pop into my head when I'm excercising. I still remember the first time 2 years ago when I did the same 20 minute cardio program that I did today. I remember thinking the follow: Will this workout ever end? What have I done to myself? There is no way I will be able to do any longer of a workout than this; I can't even do 20 minutes. I'm going to be sick. My head hurts so bad right now. I don't enjoy this....These thoughts and feels were followed a year later by: This 20 minutes will never be enough-I'm barely breaking a sweat. Wow I feel good! I think I want a salad for dinner after this. I'm never going back to what I used to be. I'm having so much fun!!!
It's hard to think back to those days and ACCEPT the place I'm in now. I know I have put myself here. I can't be the person who digs a hole, jumps down, and then cries when I can't get back out again. Accepting I dug the hole and chose to jump down is the first step to getting back. Those same thoughts came back to me today. Feelings that 20 minutes was too long, wishing I could just turn the DVD off and stop, wanting to cry, feeling sick, wondering how I had come to this point...I have to accept that when I was 50-60 pounds lighter, a 20 minute workout was nothing. An hour barely made me feel the burn. I will not be able to do an hour of cardio like I once did. That is something I have to accept right now. My body is not in a place to support what I remember myself doing. I have to accept that my body has limitation right now and it will be a slow process to get back there.
I feel better knowing that by writing this blog that I'm accepting that some things are out of my control right now. But with time, I can take that control back and soon I will have to accept that I can't run outside today because it's storming. Or accept that I have to spend more money again because my clothes are too big. Or even accept that I have no more excuses for doing the things I have always wanted to do. Yes, I think accept is a very good word for today.