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Inner argument

Thursday, January 12, 2012

i am struggling with myself again. I am on the Biggest Loser White Tigers team. At the end of the week we will be at the mid point of this challenge. I really have not lost anything. It is time to get serious and actually do this. Thanksgiving, Christmas, a son's birthday, New Years and my oldest son's wedding are finished. I all out of excuses. It is time to get busy and do this. I tell myself I want to do this. I even sort of try to do this. I lost 50 pounds so far. I have more to go. But, here I am at the same weight over and over.

I do really well with the South Beach diet. They way that I do it is very healthy for me as a diabetic. I have been laxed lately. OK the reality is I have been stupid or out of control. Having a sort of temper tantrum that I don't want to eat healthy and continue. I feel that if I start I will never ever again get treats. I know I can make the choice again at any time to eat something off my diet.

I also know that it is not worth it. I know that when I tell myself I will just eat one little thing and I eat that thing it is usually not as satisfying as I thought it would be. I also know that when I want to eat when I am not hungry eating does not make me feel any different. Those are two things that don't work. In this case I am being insane. Same old stuff expecting different results.

I am making this decision over and over again. I know I could save a lot of energy by making the choice and sticking with it. Why do I do this to myself? I have not uncovered the why.

I tell myself I would be deprived if I never ate white flour and various sugars again. At the same time I don't feel well when I eat that junk.

I am not sure what my problem is.
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  • NANCY-
    Give yourself credit for your awareness.
    Being aware is key to the changes we want to make. Sometimes it takes a while to make changes. I ate a burrito mindfully... now I refuse to eat those yucky frozen things. Be kind to yourself you are persevering and moving forward.
    2225 days ago
    So much good advice. Mine comes after thinking about what you have said. I know for me I have been eating too much food and it sounds like you are saying the same. For me I am looking at my daily portions. I know in past blogs you shared that some foods you just cannot eat. Perhaps you need to readdress that. Have you taken back things you just can't handle? I know for me too I can't say "you can never have...." but it's OK to say "just for today I choose not to have..." and celebrate making a good, healthy choice for myself. I am proud of myself for stocking up on veggies with a goal of 5 a day. I'm not one for taking away but more for adding. It is going to be a struggle figuring out smaller portions but even as I say that I know I have been eating less because I notice my DH's portions are so much larger than mine now. It's progress for me, not perfection, and one day at a time.
    2234 days ago
    You HAVE had real success, that's yours! It seems to me that something is coming up that needs attention, but maybe even an attitude that is ready to be discarded for a new one (sometimes those buggars fight HARD to stay in play). Be kind to yourself and carve the supportive attitudes and ways of thinking about things. It takes time but "trust the process" allows your body to do the internal changes while you re-engage the discipline. Your goals are worth the work it takes to achieve them!

    2235 days ago
    You have had a busy two months. It is hard to stay on track when the holidays are here as well as the celebrations and special events. I know you feel better when you eat more natural foods and really don't feel good when you do high sugar foods.

    You can have them again and in small quantities if you REALLY want them. But day to day, you do feel healthier eating differently.

    I rarely eat beef. I love the taste and really like a juicy steak or burger. I sometimes even crave beef. I know when I eat beef that in two or three days I'll have an arthritis flare and be in pain. Sometimes it is worth it, but usually I will eat just a bite of someone else's beef and get the taste and I'm good. I don't miss it all that bad most of the time and have learned to enjoy other foods as much.

    I did have a bad summer the year before last and stopped for a fast food burger at least once a week I hurt almost the entire summer and it was hard to walk or enjoy my home or yard, much less activities and other things. When I realized what I was doing, I stopped the burgers. Surprise, not only was I feeling better but I wasn't gaining weight every week.

    You have the same sorts of choices. You feel better when you eat healthy. You can make the other choices, agency always gives that choice. Make the better choice.
    2235 days ago
    I have struggled with my choices for a while now. I tend to go off plan and binge like I will never get to eat those foods again. I'm working on breaking that and finding substitutes for the other 80% of the time. Today, I thought I wanted a candy bar while at the store. Instead of grabbing it right up, I stood and thought about how bad I wanted it and if it was worth it. I did not buy the candy bar. We have to think ourselves through the choices we make. You can do this!
    2235 days ago
    Pam, I wouldn't beat yourself up about this. It has been a really busy time for you and your family. Maybe you have reached that famous "plateau" we're always hearing about? I think you are supposed to change something to get off this, so maybe try a new exercise regime for a few weeks and perhaps swap a few of the things you eat normally for something else?

    I have been losing and gaining the same few pounds for a year now but I can really tell my attitude has changed so I feel optimistic that these pounds are on their way out. And we are all here to support you. emoticon
    2235 days ago
    Pam u have done so good !! Its natural to have these feelings when u cut things completely out u want them more than ever!! Moderation is the key and everyone slips up here and there!! Don't beat urself up or feel bad it happens. I blog about it and it helps me what I'm battling!! I know it is gonna be this way for the rest of my life!! I do better eating healthy than being on "a diet" Give urself a free meal every so often and it may help! emoticon emoticon
    2235 days ago
    You know, I was watching Anderson Cooper last week, and one of the health doctors on their said not to cut out unhealthy snacks completely. He gave an example...Say you like milk duds and you cut them out completely, you are eventually going to eat them and probably overeat. So, why not allow yourself everyday at 3:00 PM 4 milkduds...do this every day, it isn't going to hurt you.

    And I agree with moderation...everything in moderation. I honestly can't cut out meat and potatoes. It's just the family that we are. However, I have bought myself low fat sour cream, etc to top my potato with rather than slather on the butter and heavy sour cream. It's a work in progress, but it seems to be working so far.

    YOU CAN DO THIS! Now, get your butt moving :o)
    2235 days ago
    I know exactly what you mean. I'm hypoglycemic and have migraines and have learned that what I eat affects me sooooo much, between the sugar/processed food and gluten. It's hard to keep saying no when everyone else is eating it! Even my insulin-dependent MIL, who will eat that stuff and in the same day make comments "...if I live that long." It amazes me every day.

    Try to find alternatives where ever you can. A great cookbook that includes realistic bread and dessert recipes is 500 Low-Carb Recipes: 500 Recipes from Snacks to Dessert, That the Whole Family Will Love by Dana Carpender (Paperback - Oct 2002). I've read tons of low-carb recipes (and purchased a few cookbooks) and this one is by far the best!! Adam's Chocolate Cake is to die for when those chocolate cravings hit. It's even better when you've stayed away from processed bread and sugar for a week or two! I'm taking some to my daughter's birthday party so I don't feel left out when everyone else is eating cake and ice cream!

    It's hard, but it will be worth it in the end. Hugs!!
    2235 days ago
    I agree with Patty that moderation is good so you do not feel deprived. I have a health problem that precludes me from having gluten, dairy or park products so I am struggling with that for now but when I do the right things I KNOW I feel better. I am just fighting myself too. emoticon Because you are emoticon
    2235 days ago
  • PATTYS74
    The only way I know around the deprivation feeling is to no cuttings completely out of your life unles for health reasons you have to. Learn to do things in moderation. White flour, sugar, gluten and other things we are told are no-nos...they may not be the best for us but if we live in moderstion we stop thinking with the mentality if I cant have...if you are healthy and thew things dont bother you if you do them in moderation well then learn moderation. I am poretty sure whrn you stop tellingyour self you cannot have them you will stopping thinking deprivation. But the KEY is moderation. If we are healthy ..it is the over indulgence that make us feel yuk. I learned so much about moderation from WW and I put it into practice and it really worked for me as long as I did it right. Overindulgence got me again. Not the type of food ...the amount of that type of food. good luck wiht your new plan....you can do it...
    2235 days ago
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