Thursday, January 12, 2012
i am struggling with myself again. I am on the Biggest Loser White Tigers team. At the end of the week we will be at the mid point of this challenge. I really have not lost anything. It is time to get serious and actually do this. Thanksgiving, Christmas, a son's birthday, New Years and my oldest son's wedding are finished. I all out of excuses. It is time to get busy and do this. I tell myself I want to do this. I even sort of try to do this. I lost 50 pounds so far. I have more to go. But, here I am at the same weight over and over.
I do really well with the South Beach diet. They way that I do it is very healthy for me as a diabetic. I have been laxed lately. OK the reality is I have been stupid or out of control. Having a sort of temper tantrum that I don't want to eat healthy and continue. I feel that if I start I will never ever again get treats. I know I can make the choice again at any time to eat something off my diet.
I also know that it is not worth it. I know that when I tell myself I will just eat one little thing and I eat that thing it is usually not as satisfying as I thought it would be. I also know that when I want to eat when I am not hungry eating does not make me feel any different. Those are two things that don't work. In this case I am being insane. Same old stuff expecting different results.
I am making this decision over and over again. I know I could save a lot of energy by making the choice and sticking with it. Why do I do this to myself? I have not uncovered the why.
I tell myself I would be deprived if I never ate white flour and various sugars again. At the same time I don't feel well when I eat that junk.
I am not sure what my problem is.