Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I did pretty well the past 2 days and up until this evening. I was really hungry by dinner time tonight and am sure that's partly why I overate. I felt a little guilty but decided to move on and not beat myself up about it. Then I discovered that my mom had let the opened box of sour gummy candies she'd bought on the table. I have a MAJOR weakness for sour gummies.
It was bad.
They weren't even good. They were stale and not too flavorful. But that didn't stop me. I felt so bad as I ate that I just kept going. Maybe I was punishing myself for messing up. I ignored the voice in my head telling me to stop. I ate to the point of feeling sick, and then ate a bit more.
This is the 3rd binge that I can remember within the past week alone. The residual guilt from last week tells me that the number's actually likely higher than 3. Is it good that I recognized at the time the thoughts and emotions I was experiencing that led me to open the candy? Is it good that I recognized at the time that it was a bad idea? that it would turn into a binge? that I was telling myself I'd be able to stop and knew full well that I wouldn't?
Or does it make it that much sicker that I recognized all that, AT THE TIME, and did it anyway?
~~Immediately~~ after posting this blog, I binged again, on roughly 3300 calories. That's for the binge, not the day.
Same awareness of thought processes as written above, in this very blog. Same.
No amount of extra cardio can make up for this.