So, I was really struggling in November and December. I had some health challenges (including a pulled groin in November), some stressful situations (home alone for Thanksgiving, traveling for Christmas), but mostly I had a big heaping dose of complacency, or perhaps depression.
There's really no excuse: in my personal life, things were going great - my relationship with Chris is the most joyful, romantic, wonderful connection I've ever experienced. And things were no more hectic at work/school than usual. So, I don't really know what came over me. All I know is that once I hit 40 pounds down (165), I started feeling so much better about myself. I fit into cute clothes, I had a great man in my life calling me beautiful, and I was feeling burnt out from continually decreasing my caloric intake. This added up into a slow slide right off the back of the wagon, as my internal voice started whispering - "haven't I done enough??"
My exercise really dropped off, and my calories started climbing up. Some of the calorie increase was intentional (I decided to stop pushing for 1200 calories and instead shoot for a level around 1400), but it also had a lot to do with eating out with the boyfriend, and with family, and even on my own - oops!
And even though I kept coming back on spark, and lamenting my lagging efforts and climbing ticker numbers, I just couldn't get my "mojo" back.
I'm happy to report that, as of yesterday, I re-found my motivation. Maybe I just had to let myself live as a 165-pound woman for a couple months to just enjoy what that felt like. Maybe I just needed a break. But whatever the reason, that sense of "maybe I can stop here" has drifted away, to be replaced by renewed determination to keep pushing forward.
I want to be a single-digit pants size.
I want to feel sexy and slender.
I want to see myself at a lower weight than I've ever been as an adult: under 150 pounds.
I want to keep challenging myself with exercise, improving my fitness.
I want to train for and run a 5K this June.
These are my reasons to keep pushing, my goals for 2012.
The BLC18 challenge is starting today, and I am happy to report that I'm feeling fired up and ready for the challenge. I'm a Silver Spy this round, and I'm ready to bring it!