Tuesday, January 10, 2012
I have been bad. Very bad. Feeling the old addictions surfacing. Frustrated with my body being slow to respond, slow to feel better. Everyone telling me hip replacements are so easy to recover from. Why are some of the physiotherapy exercises so difficult for me and why does my leg start getting sore quickly to the point I feel something is going to give if I try to complete them all as instructed. I am still not up to doing the amount Maybelle originally wanted me to do.. I am walking better, that is a small thing, but it still doesn't feel 'normal.'
What I am addicted to is online freecell competition. I used to be quite good at it, winning quite frequently. Now I win only once in a while, and struggle getting some games others have solved. Getting back into it was an effort to give me some fun time, but also hoping to get some of my mental acuity back from the constant fog I seem to be in from my insomnia. But I was also a voracious snacker when trying to compete, it went hand in hand. The snacks are not the worst -Smart Pop popcorn, but still, calories I can ill afford when I am not doing any exercise.
I used to play this game 12-14 hours a day back in the time when I had nothing to do or was recovering from surgeries at home. I would surface to get some exercise which was aquafit when I lived closer to a pool, but I also snacked constantly which is why the exercise didn't do me any good. And water allows you leeway when you are obese, you don't feel your weight as much so you ignore it.
The other frustration is being house bound. The ice remains on the sidewalk. Even the warmer temperatures above zero can't melt it away with no sun. Two bridge players have fallen and have had injuries serious enough to keep them away from the club (it takes a lot to keep them away -one has her arm in a cast and is using a block to hold her cards). I am missing my fresh outdoor time. Mom says are trails are too slippery for me to risk :(
I am looking into the abyss. It isn't pretty and my maintaining goal is in jeopardy unless I get a handle on it and fast.
Thanks for always being here for me,